Happy Birthday MOM!

Mothers

Mothers understand the things

We go through

You are special-not only today

But 365 days and more

You helped with homework

Fights and scares in the nights

Mommy’s so special

In every way

She is nice

She makes the day

lmg 1981

My mom is celebrating a birthday today! I know that she will have a great day, but I also know that in her heart, she feels sad because celebrating anything without the four of us is never easy for her. Picking up the phone isn't the same and reading this blog isn't the same. I know that and Mom, I am sorry that we are far apart on your special day. There isn't much that I can do about it, but I hear how much you miss us in your voice every time we talk. And while my life moves like a cyclone most days, I carry you in my heart all the time.

My mom is a hard-working person and always sacrificing to make ends meet. She is punctual and responsible. She can do math. She can knit. She can read, watch tv and sleep at the same time. She can make some mean orange juice and cereal. She has an arsenal of good Mom lines that we constantly use. (My favorite-sew buttons on ice cream) She is the keeper of things that I didn't know she had. She kept all of my childhood poems-some of them originals from 3* years ago! She reads my blog probably every day and once and awhile I get an email commenting on something I wrote. I know she is out there, keeping an eye on me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mom and I hope your day turns out to be very special.

Working Parent of the Year Ceremony 2008

We got ourselves over to the Paradise Valley Mall yesterday afternoon and had some photos taken on the stage as a family. Following that, we waited, watching the Phoenix Mercury mascot play with the children-not our two, because they were not quite sure what to make of a big purple animal walking around-and Tom quelled Ian's boredom with some french fries. Another former colleague of mine, an administrator from Power Ranch was there, as his wife was a finalist. My friend Julie also came to watch and she was able to video for us.

The finalists were read from 10-1, so the coordinator would walk around and call various families up to the stage, where they were presented with an inscribed plaque, a signed poster and one of the judges would read the essay. We weren't called up until they announced the final three parents, who were prizewinners.

I was a runner-up and we have won a $2000 vacation!!!

We all got up on stage and Ian got to hold the big cardboard Ed MacMahon-type check. Connor used the poster roll to poke Tom in the eye during the reading. Sheriff Joe read the essay, which he was pretty quiet for him, so it's hard to hear.

The essay: (or the gist of it since I didn't save the essay, so I had to transcribe from his reading, which isn't too clear)


My husband and I are both music teachers, working full-time and part-time jobs to make ends meet. Last year, my youngest son was diagnosed with autism, turning our schedules upside down with therapy appointments. I had the opportunity to work with a special education class and students who have autism. I was able to learn and accept my son's needs.

Someone said to me that special children are given to special people. I remember this every time I go to work and every time I am with my boys. My work has definitely enhanced my family life.


The funny thing to me is that as he was reading, I was thinking "Wow, I would have changed that or said this." Already second-guessing and I won!

There were so many terrific parents-the other prizewinners were single moms and amazing stories were all around us. Ian announced, "I want my mom to win!" and "Mommy, did you win yet?" a few times in the ceremony. On the way home, he said, "Mommy, you are awesome." It's nice to have a special day once and awhile!

Thank you to Julie for taking time from her busy home repair and doggy care to come and see me-you are a great friend. And to my family, friends and blogger fan club-thanks for rooting for me!

Now I need to decide WHERE to go!! Suggestions???

Pre-Contest Prep

Tomorrow is the big day and it has been fun-the newspaper called to interview me and our speech therapist also saw a brief article in the paper about it. We will be buying the paper over the next few days.

The boys are getting haircuts today and we have to decide what to wear. I am going to scrape up a bit of cash for a pedicure/manicure (I have blue toes right now and my hands are very icky-looking-I figure I deserve that, especially if I don't win)

THANK YOU to all of my family and friends who continually visit my blog, supporting me and encouraging to continue. My mother-in-law called last night and reminded how great it was that on my first submission-that I ended up this far along! Wow! Another friend said that this can be a good jumping board for other submissions and projects.

Keeping it dialed down today as much as I can. WOO HOO!

My mom said it best....I won big nine years ago when I got married to T on August 21, 1999.

Pup, I love you! Happy Anniversary!

All Things LEGO

Our brilliant little boy has taken quite a liking to Lego building ("I'm a builder!") and enjoys discussing which sets he wants for his birthday, for Christmas and the ones he wants to buy with his money. (which is all of them) I discovered a free Lego magazine that you can subscribe to and immediately got him signed up. The first magazine arrived this week.

I know, cute face. He has been sitting at his little table, carefully perusing this magazine at every chance. Last night, instead of our usual books, we read the Lego magazine, which kept his undivided attention. His favorite page was the one where you have the same picture twice and you have to find the 10 differences between the two pictures.

Today after school, we needed to return a few books to the library (Franklin and the Computer went back after a solid week of reading that one exclusively) and I asked Ian what kind of book he would like to read this week. He searched the Froggy book series (we have read them all to the point of memorization) but decided that first, he wanted a book about a boy who swims. We ended up asking the library clerk about that one and she found a great book.

Ian then asked if we could look up Lego books on the card catalog. I should have seen that one coming. I didn't think anything would show, but there was one book. The Lego Builder's Guide, which reads like a textbook as you will see below, was in the juvenile section and probably suitable for middle school, high school and adult readers. However, I handed my eager preschooler the book and he sat down on the floor and began to look at every page. I asked if he wanted to take the book home and he cried "Yes!" and handed me back a Star Wars book he was carrying about. He clutched the Lego book to the checkout counter and all the way to the car. He then proceeded to "read" the book for the entire ride home, completely silent and entranced.

When asked to point out his favorite part of the book, he immediately turned to the space shuttle page. He will probably figure most of them out-if we have enough pieces.

Next step is visiting the Chandler Lego store soon and also getting him enrolled in the Lego Builder Club- for $40 you get a ton of excellent Lego sets,every other month in the mail, another exclusive club magazine, a Legoland pass and discount store coupons.

Today, he asked me if we could build an AT-AT (Star Wars something or other-ask Tom-I know what it is but cannot describe it) and how would we do that? I had no idea but I told him that if he puts his mind to it, he can figure out anything. He discussed at length how he would go about building the AT-AT. Lego-obsessed.

(side note-we didn't build an AT-AT tonight because he was outside practicing karate with Daddy for his stripe testing next week)

By the way, Ian has his eye on this:


Yes, the $400 (four hundred) Lego Death Star, which I hear about every morning on the car ride to work. He points it out in the magazine each day too. It does look rather awesome. He said, "Mommy, just go to the store, get out your money and buy it for me. Because I love it!" Riiiight.

I need to plant that money tree first, buddy.

The Downside of Being a Finalist

Unfortunately, the excitement being in and possibly winning a writing contest comes with some disappointment. My cousin Pedro and his wife, Glenda and their two boys are here in the US from Ecuador visiting my father, who lives in South Carolina.

Before I was even contacted about winning the contest or knew the ceremony date, I made airline reservations for Ian and myself to fly to South Carolina this weekend to visit with my cousins. We had figured out a plan for buying the tickets and I was excited to see my cousins, whom I haven't seen since 2001 and probably will not see for a few more years.

As luck would have it, my flight coincided with the contest ceremony and I hoped that I could change my flight and do both. After several calls to the airlines and online ticketing agency-all of whom were very nice and patient- it would have cost me over $2000 to change my fare for just a three-day trip. On top of that, many of the flights had several layovers all over the country (one flew to Atlanta, then to NYC and then back to SC-?) and so taking Ian on a 12 or 14 hour plane trip would be not be considered. Flying on standby would reduce the fee to about $400 but there were no available seats on the return flight home.

So, this morning with my stepmom, I made the executive decision not to go and visit my cousins. I talked with them on the phone (wow-my Spanish was rusty, on top of that I was so disappointed and tired from surfing the web for fares for a gazillion hours, I couldn't think in English, let alone Spanish) and they invited us to visit in Ecuador when we can in the future. I don't know when that will be, but I miss them all so much and there must be a reason why things work out in this way.

I'll change my flight to another time and take Ian to see my father in the near future. It feels a little bittersweet today. Tom and I talked at lunch and he said if it were him, he would be really bummed out too.

But, I promised myself not to dwell after this morning. Thankfully, amidst all of the changing flight dilemma, I had a yoga class last night. I almost didn't go so I could stay home and agonize over flights some more.

I went to yoga and had one of the best classes. I learned two very difficult poses (Hilary-you would be proud of me!) and the meditation helped me feel better. Probably the best choice I made all day was to just go and quit being a baby about it.

On the upside of today-I added my second special education class today into my schedule. There is one child who is verbal, the rest are not and two in wheelchairs. Only five children, but they were so much fun to work with. We played some drums and sandblocks, a few kids enjoyed some dancing and we added some scarves for sensory input-which was a big hit and also some bubbles during classical music. They are wonderful. I got some eye contact and a few laughs too. One student is blind and very sensitive to touch and he wasn't quite ready to try a lot with me. He did shake my hand for one song and he rocked when the music was on or when I was singing. So, he was responding.

Anyway, I miss my cousins and I hope their stay in the US is terrific. I wonder if this vacation win could be used in Ecuador.......

P/S: Hop over to see about our Star Wars Sunday at Tom's blog!

No News

I will have to attend the ceremony to find out if I have actually placed as a prizewinner. Regardless, I will receive a plaque and autographed poster from the celebrity judges and our whole family will be photographed. It will also draw media attention, so we might be interviewed.

The most amazing part was the woman saying that they had read over 300 essays and whittled them down to ten.

I feel lucky and special indeed.

Master of Legos

Master of words

Master of interruption

You find some trying ways

To make your presence known

Yet in spite of all my frustration

I love you.

I love your creations and potions

I love your mind, your cerebral approach

Constant chatter, constant directives

A million words sandwiched into a minute

My brain begins to falter, overload

But my heart is with you

Loving you, admiring you

When I am glad to put you to sleep

Because your ideas are paramount

They are multi-faceted and immediate

I quell my weariness with a small glass of wine

Yet, I love you

Please know that I love you

Even when I need peace, solitude

I love you even when my voice

Is firm, opposite and unwavering

I guide your path because

that is true love

And I am the master of your life

Until you are old enough to walk alone

But you have control

Over my heart, over what we can safely allow

The extremes are hard to navigate

But we will find a way through uncharted territory

Even if we feel moments of sinking fear

You will raise above and beyond this

And so will we

Love you

love you

love you

please go to sleep!

lgm 8/08

#$*@%$!!!: A Essay Contest Update

Following a stressful day today, I realized that I had left my cell phone in my school bag, which was in the garage all afternoon and evening.

I checked my messages to discover a call from the preschool company regarding the finalists for the essay contest. The lady asked me to call back, without disclosing more information.

However, I recall last week when I originally spoke to her, that they would call if you were a prize winner. Otherwise, the remaining finalists would be able to meet the judges during the ceremony, but not receive a prize.

At 9:30pm on Friday night, I am probably not going to know anything until Monday, but I will be calling first thing in the morning tomorrow anyway. However, it was a little difficult to contain my excitement that I got a call. It is nice and wonderful just to be a finalist, but a vacation would be very, very sweet indeed.

Breaking Through

Remember back in January, I said that I would submit some writing this year and try to swallow the fear of putting my words out there?

Well......I took a small leap. I found an essay contest for the Working Parent of the Year for Arizona through (of all places) the preschool website where my children attend. You don't have to attend the preschool program, you can submit.

The topic was "How Work Has Enhanced Your Family Life", in an essay of 100 words or less. Brevity is one of my strong points, but even so, being concise on a topic you could write a lot about it is tricky. I figured what the hey, no big deal-especially since it is open to the entire state of Arizona.

Well, this afternoon, I got a phone call from the company offices, explaining that I was a finalist-there are only 10 finalists. I had to provide work verification and the essay will be read by celebrity judges who will determine next week if I am a winner. The grand prize is a $5000 family vacation, the two runner-ups will receive a $2000 weekend getaway.

So I did it. Whether I win anything or not, I got into the game and dipped my toe in the water. Maybe I will be ready to get in soon.

Preschool Drama: Week Two

Well...week two is going about as well as week one. I did the tough love, drop and run yesterday and Tom had to do the extraction this morning.

Apparently, Connor awakens from his nap distressed and crying every single day and they want to know why. The teacher is nice but offers no real idea of what he is doing and most of her answers include a shrug of the shoulders.

Ian is a complete mess every morning and while the teacher took a lot of time to talk with me today when I picked him up, but we are still feeling skeptical. Today and yesterday, I watched Ian by himself, not interacting or playing with any of the other kids, who were involved in an activity. He was either crying or busy with building his little ships. She said she was offering Skittles as a reward for him not crying. (what is the deal with Arizona teachers using bribery to enforce good behavior?) So, I am paying a good chunk of my salary for this and have no peace during the day.

And after several discussions with various people, only one person thought it was pretty normal for them to cry for two weeks. Everyone else thought it was not a good sign.

And then at work, there is all-day Kindergarten, which is a complete nightmare for the first few weeks. (and months!) These poor children just needed to play or take a nap and not sit still in the afternoon when I get them. Several of the second language kids will not come to music at one school because they need that four hours of intensive language study-uninterrupted. (Good lord, Arizona. Really? I'd like to see that teacher teach those kindergarteners English for four straight hour.) If I wanted to "appeal" that decision, I could fill out paperwork to petition them to come to music, but essentially the decision has been made. Because we must have 100% passing the state test in a few years. (That's realistic.)

And the kicker, today I saw a guy on my street (waaaay down the street) sitting outside with a rifle. I drove by and did a double take on my way home. Following that, I drove by again to be sure that was what I saw and sure enough, this guy was pointing and messing around with a rifle.

I did see a police car moseying along the larger street or I would have called them myself. The guy was just sitting his porch chair with a rifle-not looking particularly angry or anything, but still!

I want out of AZ.

Six Things I Am Proud Of

I copied this from my friend Dianne's blog and enjoyed reading her post, as well as her friend 'Tis Herself.

For me, this turned into six people I am proud of.

1. I am proud of my sister-in-law, Suzanne. She faced great adversity with grace and honesty as a breast cancer survivor. Every time I talk to her, I treasure all of her kindness, feistiness (is this a word? It is now!) and her good humor, even about difficult situations. She has gone on to comfort and support other women with cancer and has had to say goodbyes -which must have so much emotional impact, more than I could imagine-to some of these friends. I am proud for her courage and loveliness. (You frickin' rock, Aunt Soooz!)

2. I am proud of my mother. She is one of a kind, that's for sure! A single mom for much of her life, working two jobs while I was in college-which now I realize that you just do what you have to when it comes to your children. Now I know. She still chuckles when I call her and say , "Hey, Mom, it's me." And she answers, "Hi, me!" or "Who else calls me Mom?!" I love my mom and appreciate her so much more now that I am a mother too.

3. I am proud of my husband. He is a good man, who has made sacrifices of his own talent and passion to put his family first. (see #2-sometimes it's what you have to do) We have our moments-but he is willing to find solutions. And he loves me a lot! I look forward to seeing his goals come to fruition as he works to find new and better paths for himself.


4. I am proud of Connor. He is a little gem who needed some polishing. To have someone say to me, "This kid has autism??" makes me proud of all of the efforts HE has put in to build his communication. He is talking and looking at us like your average little two-year-old. Life is good for this little one and for that, I am incredibly happy and proud.

5. I am proud of our parenting. I don't toot my horn about parenting a lot-or maybe I do, considering most of my blog is about my kids. I don't know-but at the risk of sounding like my head is inflated, I'll continue. Aside from those inevitable toddler moments, I think that Tom and I do a really good job of communicating with our boys. We rarely yell, we are mostly consistent and we try to raise well-mannered children. And most of our parenting comes from watching so many students over the years-an advantage in the parenting arena-and having good sounding boards when we need advice. We are usually on the same page with handling crisis moments and we balance each other when frustration sets in. And we consciously hope that our children will have life better than we could have imagined for ourselves.


6. I am proud of myself. Yes. I get to toot my OWN horn for once in my life. I suffer a great deal of social anxiety, which is interesting that I chose teaching.....anyway, I struggled for years with perfection, self-esteem and shyness that choked my soul, and overcame serious depression several times in my life. I have learned to move forward-while I acknowledge the past carefully-I have made a great deal of peace about myself and who I am. For all of my many faults, some I recognize and have come to enjoy with great humor. But to see that I have made it to teacher, wife, friend, sister, daughter and mother in my short 3* years, I'll give myself a nod for all of these wonderful roles that helped me grow and become the better person I hope to be.

Preschool Drama-It's Friday!

So, they are home with Tom today and no drama. (so far!)

Yesterday, the teacher called Ian an "angel", which made a huge impression on him, enough for him to remind me throughout the afternoon. "Mommy, I'm an angel."

There were a few unimpressive moments with the staff when I walked in yesterday, so we are committed to one more week and Tom and I will reassess the situation. I talked with Grandma Sheila about it too and she gave me some tough love options (gulp!) for Ian and also some great ideas on keeping tabs on the staff. THANK YOU!

Connor was fine, but I was told he was having a rough day and inconsolable at naptime. When I talked with the teacher, she didn't seem to know what I was talking about or which child we were talking about.

It's Friday, so I am not going to worry about it until Sunday night and Monday morning.

Preschool Drama: Day 3

Technically, it's day 4, but there was no drama the first day.....

Tom dropped them off and called me a few minutes ago as I am getting ready for work.

They both freaked out. Ian's anxiety began as soon as the word "preschool" was uttered as he was getting ready. Not even the draw of a brand-new Lego set could help. Yep, I am resorting to rewards-which I am very anti-reward as a teacher. Anyway, that didn't work.

HELP!

Preschool Drama: Day Two

Today was worse than yesterday for Ian. We decided on a goodbye routine and when it came down to my leaving, he was hysterical. I cried myself once I got to the car.

We practiced our goodbye routine tonight before bed and Tom is going to drop them off tomorrow and see if he fares any better.

Connor even cried a bit today. SIGH.

Preschool-cccchanges

I don't have pictures to accompany this-my family will be disappointed and I am sorry. I keep forgetting my camera and honestly, I don't have a lot of time for pictures.

The boys started a new daycare/preschool this week, with no apprehension from Connor-not even a glance back at me today.

Ian handled the first day well and this morning was more apprehensive for him. Because Ian must build Lego helicopters in all of his spare time, he was busy taking apart his creation this morning when we had to leave. Leaving behind his Legos (no toys allowed from home) was traumatic enough. He followed that up with some serious protest about preschool, which I could understand. As we arrived in his class, he begin to wail and cling, crying "I don't want to go to preschool!". After extracting myself and trying to reassure him that I would be back this afternoon, the teacher scooped him on her lap and I left. Tom called a bit later to check on him and he was doing much better.

When I returned, at first he looked happy to see me, but he quickly grew teary because "Mommy, you forgot to hug me and then double wave goodbye and that made me cry." Well, rip my heart out and step on it a lot. I promised him we would figure out a goodbye that will make him feel loved and able to go about his day. We'll see.

While I know that the kids are learning different things, as stated in his note, Ian doesn't really discuss his day, except that the kids are bigger than he is and he builds stuff all day. The teacher told me that he refuses to eat lunch but will eat his weight in goldfish crackers. Good thing they don't serve sugar-laden stuff. We'd be in trouble.

I get more details on Connor, but he cries because I am taking him out of the class and he really likes it. He acclimates so well. Maybe that is a good thing.

Not sure how much I love this particular place yet. I don't get a real sense of compassion from the teachers but they have a lot of kids to think about too. Plus, I go in and expect a report on how they did and they seem amazed that I don't just pick them up and run out the door. I wish daycare and preschool wasn't so difficult on us both time-wise and financially. Arrgh.

We'll see how the rest of the week plays out.

Brave is the eye of the beholder

I know what you can do

My heart is tethered to you

Even when my hand is not

I know where the demons lurk

I've met them myself many times

Sometimes they got the best of me

Smart, brazen and ugly mirrors

Trust me, I'll give you the tools to help you, I'll find them all

Look those monsters in the eye and give them truth

But sometimes you have to slay your own dragons

Even if I have a white horse to rescue you

And bravery is not the same for every person

But I see you.

And I know what you can do.

lgm 06/08

What the Fahrenheit?

Okay, I chose to live in Phoenix. I should keep the complaints to myself, but GOOD GRIEF!

My car said 117 degrees today. My brain cells are boiling away.

So, the boys and I are hibernating in the bedroom, watching TV (Diego-please stop the Broadway approach-it's honestly painful) and maybe we'll just have some fruit for dinner.

Connor wanted to go outside-he knows how to unlock the back door-and I had to actually lock it up high because on top of the heat index being orange or red, the child has porcelain skin. It is sad when they just can't play in the backyard without scorching themselves. It is even too hot to drag the little pool out right now.

Woe is us.