One Short Year

It is hard to believe that Connor was given his diagnosis on October 1, 2007. It is easy to remember the feeling-as if we were looking at a child we didn't know at all. In many of his pictures, he appeared so morose-looking, almost expressionless at times.

When I initially wrote about Connor, it was filled with such heartache. We had no idea what would come next or where we would be a year or ten years from now.

Now, a year later, we are so fortunate, so proud and so amazed by our son's progress. With our team of therapists (Julie, Kristin and Sarah-a huge shout-out to you all), we learned how to communicate with Connor. He responded to sign language, to pictures and eventually, he began to talk more and more. We learned about sensory disorders, oral-motor planning problems and we learned to lessen the frustration little by little.

It has been quite a journey.

Now, a year later, we are looking at Connor's public school evaluation for special education preschool next week. He should qualify based on his speech needs, but we are also looking at applying for long-term care from the state once he turns three. The excellent news is that he probably will NOT qualify for continuing state aid because he has made so much progress to date. We will still apply, but I would be surprised if he is accepted. And that is GOOD NEWS.

His diagnosis may change a bit as he gets older and we see more of who he is to become. The autism spectrum is enormous and while each child is brilliantly different, some will never say a word. Some will never look people in the eye. Some will never connect the way that Connor has this year. I have met some of those children, read several family stories and I only know that we came up to the precipice without going over the edge. For those children and parents, life is very different-one I can imagine only superficially. And to find those tiny flutters of connection-it is paramount that we continue to try and try and try. I believe these children are listening.

Here is Connor a few short months ago. Such a difference. Now, we hear "Mommy?" and "Daddy?" several times a day. He looks for Ian when Ian is not in the room. He cries when Ian is not with him. He is finding and voicing his needs. He works hard to use his voice-sometimes because we make him, sometimes because he is learning and persisting through those challenges on his own.

We will continue to work hard. He struggles with his sensory issues and we still work to help him understand more complex ideas. He doesn't sleep much and lately, his world centers around what's in the refrigerator.

But all of the progress is attributable to so many who made the difference. It is our therapists, our families and our friends who support us, who remind us to stay positive and who sustain us when life is hard. We are not unlike other young parents who work, struggle to pay bills and hope that things turn out okay in the end.

And it looks like things are turning out just fine.

Wordzzle 32

MEGA-MAX Wordzzle: A combination of all of the words from the challenge. People might wonder why I do that-and the truth is that I don't have a whole lot of time to write with two young boys in the house. So, I just do the best I can to at least get something accomplished!

The words are:

The words for this week's ten word challenge were: exacerbate, leotard, path, tomato, Jungle Book, vagabond, parade, limber, storage, Maharajah
And for the mini challenge: crocodile, special, sleep, droll, turn around

This week's vanity wordzzle used the words: swashbuckler, brassiere, Wedding Bell Blues, summer nights, uno momento, lavishly, wanna buy a balloon

My wordzzle:

My son, like a vagabond Maharajah followed the parade-turn around and see a crocodile, un momento-look, a limber gal in a brassiere dancing with a swashbuckler with a droll sense of humor wearing a special leotard with hidden sword storage-and wait, a lavishly decorated float entitled “Wedding Bell Blues”. Cries of “wanna buy a balloon?” surround my boy-his face as red as a tomato on these hot, summer nights. He follows the path toward the Jungle Book ride, his eyes curling in sleep, exacerbated by sensory overload.

My Guy Meme!

1. He’s sitting in front of the tv, what is on the screen? Star Trek, Heroes, Battlestar Galactica or some variation of sci-fi. He also will watch Colbert with me.

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Salad? He usually orders the soup.

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like? Salad.

4. You go out to the bar. what does he order? Dr. Pepper.

5. Where did he go to high school? Newfield High School on Long Island

6. What size shoe does he wear? maybe an 8.5?

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? He loves sci-fi books and he tends to keep a lot of stuff in general.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? He enjoys the meatball subs (extra sauce!) and he also loves ham sandwiches with lots of tomato.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could? He does drink Nestle Quik everyday. He might eat chocolate every day.

10. What is his favorite cereal? He likes Honey Nut Cheerios, Raisin Bran and Cocoa Puffs.

11. What would he never wear? Colors other than green, khaki, grey or black.

12. What is his favorite sports team? Hmm, maybe the Mets?

13. Who will he vote for? I will not share his vote, but I do know. That's his business if he cares to disclose it.

14. Who is his best friend? He will say me because it's in the contract. :) His guy best friends are his brothers, Rich and Bob. He will also say Ian and Connor.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? Apologize. Mumble.

16. How many states has he lived in? He has lived in New York and Arizona. He also lived in Australia for a few months.

17. What is his heritage? IRISH!

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? Ha, ha, ha. IF I bake him a cake, I have my friend Cindy bake it. Normally, I buy Carvel ice cream cakes.

19. Did he play sports in high school? Soccer

20. What could he spend hours doing? Playing computer, which he does. He also enjoys long hikes.

Imagination Movers

Walk for Autism Update

We are $75.00 away from our $1000.00 goal! If you look at the website, it will say $825.00, but I received a check for $100.00 today that is not included in the total.

Originally, I thought $1000.00 was pretty lofty, but we might surpass it!

To all of you who donated.....thank you-thank you-thank you!

Check out our team website by clicking on the left-hand side of the page, on Connor's photo. It's titled "Walk For Autism".

Saguaro Lake

Two stir-crazy boys and two parents wanting to just relax isn't the best weekend combination. We were going to go to apple picking on Saturday, but after looking up directions on the website, we came to find out that all the apples had be picked for the season and the orchard was closed. (I forget we are in AZ and not NY-and after investigating all of the other (rip-off) places to pick apples, we skipped it altogether) Tom decided we would instead go to Saguaro Lake just north of us and only 40 minutes away.

If it were only that easy.

We discussed leaving early Saturday and ended up not going. By Sunday morning, we were feeling truly lazy, but Ian was having constant LEGO meltdowns and Connor was in and out of the refrigerator or angling for snacks every half an hour. I ran out to the store to get some dinner makings and when I came back, Tom was doing the "5 minutes!" call to get us out the door. (otherwise we would never get anywhere!)

We drove up listening to Imagination Movers all the way. As we neared the lake, the signs indicated that we needed to buy a day pass back at one of the gas stations on the highway. Tom thought maybe they would sell the passes at the lake, which they didn't. We were allowed to park by the marina and walk around the docks, but we couldn't picnic or swim.

We then tried a different lake heading back toward the highway. This one also required a pass, but we drove through and it looked okay for swimming. Tom drove back to the highway, got a pass and we started back to the lake-only to find that now there was a brush fire on the roadside. The police stopped traffic on the narrow road so that the rangers could extinguish the fire. Another twenty minutes later and we finally got to the lake.

The boys enjoyed wading in the water. Ian wasn't too sure about the mucky feel to the water, so he didn't venture too far. He got braver as he went along. Connor walked out as far as he could go before Tom had to pick him up. We set out a blanket, had some snacks and a few visits from several curious bees and then headed back home.

We are both tired, now that the boys are in bed and I find myself dragging through this post. YAWN!

Wordzzle 31

The words for this week's ten word challenge were: budget, news, outer space, gargantuan, brass band, Purple Rose of Cairo, polar bears, insight, innovations, mute And for the mini challenge: investments, purring, death penalty, mercury, convalescent home

This week's vanity wordzzle used the words: hairsplitting, nonchalant, boisterous, obstreperous, kitty-cat, toenail, magma, Ton Ton Macute, tulips

Again, I decided to max out my brain power and mush all these words into a paragraph. Here goes:

As he sat mute, purring like a kitty-cat, waiting for the investments news, as his budget for the convalescent home (which felt like the death penalty) needed some insight and innovations. In one room, the Purple Rose of Cairo was watched daily and in another room, one resident watched a documentary on the planet Mercury. On Saturdays, that obstreperous brass band, gargantuan in size, playing hairsplitting music which roiled in his brain like magma….he nonchalantly touched the tulips with his toenail. The boisterous holiday music returned thoughts of the Tonton macoute and polar bears. Outer space didn’t sound like a bad place to be lately. He wondered how he could get there.

Tempe Splash Park

Last Sunday, we took the boys over to Tempe Beach Park to look at the Healing Fields (a 9/11 memorial-which will be another post on another day) and also to let the boys cool off at the Splash Park. We were not sure how the boys would like the park-Ian enjoys water on his own terms-but it was a lot of fun for both of them.

Ian went down the slide a few times, but it was crowded and had some unsupervised bigger kids wreaking havoc, so we meandered toward the splash pool. This was more their speed. Ian found the best way to cool off was getting water in the back of his pants. It was comical.

Connor enjoyed the water too, until he got interested in what Big Brother was doing.....

And decided to try it himself.

I was surprised to see how the water turned out when I uploaded my photos. I liked that it looked like clear little water balloons. I messed around with a bunch of settings, so I have no idea how I created this effect. (Maybe Jesse has some idea what I did?)
Ian created an obstacle course for himself, leaping over small fountains and going under the larger arches.


The weather is cooling off a bit (99 instead of 110 degrees!) and we feel a bit chilled in the evening when the temps dip into the 70's. Still, I am looking forward to the days when the boys can run and play in the backyard without worry about sunstroke, when we can sit outside to eat dinner and when we can take a walk at any point during the day. It's coming.

Kung Fu Screamy

I decided to try taking the boys (on my own) to see Kung Fu Panda at the cheapy theater tonight. Ian has seen it already, but was excited to go again. Connor didn't know what was going on, but he was more fixated on the M&M's in the refrigerator than anything. Tom had to work, so he missed all the drama.

We get there, buy our tickets ($6.00 total!) and of course, get popcorn. Connor spied a video game that has a yellow car with a steering wheel. He was fascinated by it and I tried giving him fair warning that we were going in to the movie. Connor doesn't seem to understand the concept of "time to go" or coming back to something later.

The screaming began en route to the theater. "CAAR!" "LALLOW CAR!" "NOOOOO!!"

We get into the theater, where there is one other young couple-no children. We sit away from them and Connor continued to rant about the car. (NOOO!!!) They curiously peer at us every so often, wondering if I am a mom who will allow the screaming to go on beyond the previews.

Enter six teenage boys to the back row. They are loud, but no match for Connor. He stops momentarily to eat a few M&M's, but as we know, when food doesn't appease him, it's pretty much a lost cause.

The movie begins and Ian, all set in his seat with a big bag of popcorn, is excited. Connor, facing away from the movie screen, begins wailing and screaming. "NOOO!" "LALLOW CAAR!!"

I finally have had enough. I pack up our bag, carry Connor under my arm and tell Ian we have to go, which breaks my heart even more than listening to Connor cry, because he says, "But, Mommy, the movie just started." I tell him that I know and we'll talk outside. His eyes fill with tears and I feel awful for disappointing him, when he really deserves to stay. But I know that Connor will not settle down and he trumped Ian tonight.

We get out of the theater and sit on the floor. I explained to Ian that Connor is so loud that we cannot hear and that Connor is not enjoying the movie. Ian responds by saying, "Well, I can hear. I have big ears!" So, I tell him that we will return and see the movie just Mommy and Ian. To which he says, "Yeah, let's just leave Connor home with Daddy!" Yeah! Take that, Connor! Ian returned to his jovial self for the remainder of the evening.

We schlep out to the front counter where I ask for a refund. The boy asks me why (as if he cannot see or hear the child I am carrying) and I just look at him. He gives me my $6.00 back and we go over to the yellow car arcade game, where Connor calms down and sits happily. Somehow, Ian and I manage to get him out of the theater. We play over by the fountain and head to the produce store and then home.

Connor has done well in movies before, so I don't think it was the movie itself, but rather that blankity-blank arcade game that he saw as we walked in.

Ian managed to talk my ear off the entire rest of the night. His new favorite game is "Name That Tune" usually with Backyardigans songs. However, after playing for almost an hour and a half yesterday and for another half hour today, I was a little maxed out on this game. Another exciting game is where Ian screams or yells in various high pitches and tries to get Connor to imitate him. This occured at dinner and again in the car. I'd almost rather play the name that tune game for an entire day over the screaming that I will hear tonight in my sleep.

A glass of red wine is starting to sound really good right now.

Walk for Autism Update

We are steamrolling toward our goal of $1000.00 for Connor's walk in November. The website lists our total at $600.00, with another generous donation of $100.00 on the way, to make our grand total $700.00!!!

We feel very honored to have all of this support-not just monetary, but we are also depositing all of those positive, encouraging and loving comments into our sanity bank.

I included a link on the left side of the page-just click on Connor's photo.

Vacations for Children with Autism

My friend Stacy sent me an article from the New York Times this morning about vacationing with children who have autism. Thank you, Stacy!

The NY Times article link


My favorite line was the last one-"We don't let autism back us into a corner."

Exactly!

Getting Back in the Wordzzle Game

I've been away from the Wordzzle for awhile now. Not sure if I am on my game for writing these, but I condensed the regular, mini and vanity words into one paragraph. I am not sure what the vanity wordzzle is, but I am guessing from my two seconds of research that it is using the words in order. Weeeell, I didn't do that. Maybe next time.

The words for this week's 10-word challenge were:

spam, problematic, flower girl, splurge, milk, orphanage, lyrics, politics, ice cream cone, cactus.

Words for the mini challenge were: drag race, poppy seed, swinging from a star, John Denver, diagram

Vanity words: morning, horse, he was standing there, alone, in the middle of the square, building, unicorn, panic, invisible

He was standing there alone, invisible in the middle of the square, unconsciously singing lyrics to "Swinging from a Star" while pondering this drag race of politics-a flower girl with a heart as soft as a cactus, an old horse and an anointed unicorn all felt like a poppy seed stuck in his teeth. He wondered if anyone cared about the orphanage where he worked, a building treated like problematic spam on a computer-unwanted. He wanted to splurge on milk, an ice cream cone, John Denver CDs-anything to make the kids look forward to another morning. Some of these blabbermouths need a diagram to remind them what is important instead of inspiring panic.

Please go and enjoy other entries by visiting Raven's blog.

Friday's Food 4 Thought

As hosted by Stacy over at Exceedingly Mundane-

Food 4 Thought Friday

Breakfast
If you were to choose a new name for yourself what would it be and why? Were there any other names your parents almost gave you?

I think I recall my mom saying that I was almost a Linda Sue. My dad always told me that he liked the name Linda because in Spanish, it is an adjective (meaning pretty-did they get that right or what?!?) and rarely used as an actual name in Ecuador. So, that does give my actual name some points.

I actually really love Spanish girls names. Like Mariela, Marisol, Emilia, Mariana. I love all of those names. And Luz as a middle name.

Of course, if we had a girl (and we aren't-shop is closed!), I imagine the names would have been a little contentious. We have healthy Irish names, so I would probably have angled for something Spanish. At least I don't have to worry about it now!

Lunch
How do you usually spend your Sunday afternoons?

Lately, we are cooped up in the house, avoiding the heat. The laundry gets done and sometimes we do some house projects. (this Sunday-closet!) Once the weather cools down, we'll be outside working on the lawn and hopefully the boys will enjoy the backyard.

Dinner
What would be your last meal if you were about to walk the green mile?

I am not sure what the green mile is (I know, I am dopey), but I adore pizza. Or a really good steak dinner with all the fixin's.

Midnight Snack
Have you ever broken any bones?

Technically no broken bones, but I do have a suspicion that I might have broken my nose years ago at Action Park. I slammed into a concrete divider while on the river rapids ride (an unbelted ride) and smashed my nose into the wall and the person next to me. I looked like Frankenstein with the big bruised eyes for a week or more. We never got it checked.

Recipe for this Week (instead of your recipe for life - what is it for just this week?)

Meditate and work on staying in the now.

September 11, 2001

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

Ambrose Redmoon

To the New Yorkers we love and all the families who suffered greatly
to all of the heroes fallen and standing
you live strong in my heart
and the hearts of all Americans

Fresh and Screamy

A new grocery store opened within walking distance of the house AND even better bikeable (not a word-is now) distance. I was so excited that I wrote the grand opening on my calendar and saved my special get-a-free-canvas-bag coupon. (For those interested, it is the Fresh and Easy store)

So, after work, I picked up the boys and headed over to the new store. Ian was excited because I promised him we would make banana bread. So, he was ready for helping find the ingredients we needed. Connor wasn't as amused.

The screaming began as we entered the store. The greeter handed us a brochure and welcomed us-I don't know what she exactly said. Connor was strapped into the front of the cart, thrashing and screaming like a wild child. Ian was pointing out bananas and other items needed. The store was crowded and every few minutes, a kind soul would try to comfort Connor with questions or comments. He was having none of that. One of the employees offered him a chip (normally food is the way to go) and he flipped out. ("IDONWIKEIT!" NOOO! NOOO!") Comments followed.

"Aww, he needs a nap." (He's been awake for a half-hour)

"What's wrong, wittle guy?" (baby talk annoys all three of us, with Ian saying "why do you talk like that?" )

"He sounds hungry, do you want a snack?" (a good tactic that normally works)

"Awww." (translated-maybe the mom should take him home instead of having him cry-probably right)

A good mother would probably take her child out of the store and go home, forfeiting the free bag and the banana bread. I, of questionable parenting today, forged ahead, on the fast track. We picked up bananas, milk and I even found a small box of animal crackers. ("NNNNOOOO!!!")
When Connor doesn't respond well to food, this is a strong indicator that something is clearly amiss.

We get to the register and the cashier offers the boys crayons and a coloring book. Ian, the prince of tactfulness, asks, "Why are you just giving me this?" as if he knows there's a catch somewhere. Connor continues to wail ("NO! NO! NOOOOO!!") and I try to ask about my free bag. By now, I deserve a free bag.

They are out of free bags.

A raincheck on the free bag is offered and I accept, doing my best to get these children out of this store. Connor is practically purple with anger and Ian is now put out that he must actually walk to the car instead being chauffeured in the cart. Him I can handle with a quick word.

We get in the car and back home. Connor sprawls on the kitchen floor for awhile, crying. I try sitting with him for a bit, but he is angry and wants to be on the floor. So, I leave him alone.

About an hour later, he is calm enough to play and begin requesting juice and getting his bearings back. He is fine and happy for the rest of the evening. Ian is also very compliant and an excellent assistant for making banana bread.

I am sorry, Connor. We need to add Fresh and Easy to Connor's black list. Other stores include JoAnn's Fabrics (a personal favorite) and Costco. It is convenient and I will try again when the newness dies down.

Sometimes my own personal reward isn't worth the heartache. I didn't listen very well today.

p.s.-don't forget to read the post below this one-as I posted two today.

To Infinity and Beyond

An amazing story of a father and a boy with autism out at sea.

And just a note, my son Connor LOVES water. No fear of drowning, no fear of going under and reading this story made me think that Christopher and Connor have that in common.

Read on!

A Toot of My Own Horn

I was recognized in my staff report this week. Check it out! (hopefully the link works)

CUSD Staff Report


Missed yoga tonight due to chorale deadlines as we ramp up to concert time in October.

However, Connor will probably assist me in doing some push-ups, sit-ups and jumping jacks tomorrow morning, along with his excellent downward dog and child's pose. However, he really makes me work for meditation as he sits on top of my throat (I am not kidding, he goes for the jugular!). Last week in speech, he went over, got out the yoga mat, unrolled it on the floor and began jumping around and counting. Following that, he did downward dog and did a few "push-ups" and then went right to sit-ups. He even laid down in savasana (meditation pose) for a few seconds. It was hysterical. I ran for my camera, but he immediately stopped the routine once he realized I was filming.

Anyway, back to work!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Highlights of the weekend:

-Ian having a stomach bug on Saturday. I'll spare details, but he basically slept from 9am-2:30pm on the couch.

-Connor apparently in rehearsal for the WWF. We rarely sit on the floor anymore because he will come over and body slam you, followed by laying across your throat and jumping on you. Constantly. He needs a WWF moniker now. Suggestions?

-"Idonwikeit" translated as "I don't like it". Connor's new phrase for any time something doesn't go his way or he is told no. It is a toddler weekend over here, complete with screaming, meltdowns and general toddler behavior, including shoving the offending party or throwing self onto ground in protest.

-We painted our bedroom closet (sorry, Terri-it's white) and Tom finished measuring and cutting the new shelving. Of course, our leveler is on the lam, so until we find that, Tom is on hiatus.

-We are spending considerable time on our Personal Finance for Dummies course. Our instructor is Michael, my brother-in-law and we are making some decent headway. Of course, we had a general surplus of $11 in one draft budget and we thought that looked pretty good. So, I think we have a ways to go. I find that I do very well with homework. I am hoping he will give me an A for homework.

-I wrote an enormous blog post about John McCain and my feelings about his position on education. Let's just say that if Arizona is any indicator of what he wants to do with education, he will never have my vote. (not that he did to begin with) His statement about putting education in the hands of parents and students made my eyeballs spin. He is forgetting someone in that statement-can anyone guess who? I probably will not post my blog because I feel too conflicted and angry about it all.

-Tom was brilliant in setting up the bouncer for the boys this evening. They are sound asleep in bed after a good half-hour of getting the energy out. Brilliant!

Walk For Autism: TEAM MURPHY

We are participating in Autism Speaks Walk for Autism on Sunday, November 2 and have set a team goal of raising $1000.00 for this cause.

Please visit our team page to learn more information and if you would like to donate-even better. Or just leave a little TLC support in comment form too-donations to our emotional bank are always welcome!

Team Murphy Walk Page

Also, we secured a semester of music therapy with the ASU music therapy intern program. Connor will attend on Fridays with Dad and Ian and participate with a few other children his age in music activities. You might wonder why we chose this option for him, considering our music teacher status. Music therapy is a different type of teaching. I took a class in special education music during my undergrad and that was the extent of my expertise. So, while we both teach special needs students, this will be great for us to learn some new ways to use our skills and allow Connor the chance to interact with some other children his age. One thing is for sure-children with special needs do respond very positively to music. We are both looking forward to this opportunity for Connor.

Labor Day Weekend Getaway

Riding on your wings, we soar and rise
Pausing only to rest in beautiful moments
before we are uplifted once more


The comfort of your presence surrounds us
Soothes us and makes us whole
and learning takes place


Attachments are made in his heart
The deeper questions as he looks at life
Are hard to answer


We are rejuvenated in spirit
happy and healthy once again
We soar


Little souls tuckered out
Securely loved by more than just parents
As they pause only to rest in beautiful moments.

Thank you Michael and Terri for a great weekend.
We all love you.