Playing By Yourself

I have written about how autism moved into our life, almost overnight. Of course, I have written how it affects me as a mother, as a teacher and as a human being. As our lives are now based on a master schedule of concerts, therapies, work and all, we are learning to patch up our bruised hearts and go on with the hard work of parenting two little boys.

My son Connor receives three hours of therapy each week -which is minimal compared to what many parents in the swirl of autism must do. Three hours for us requires deft scheduling.

My son, Ian is getting lost in the shuffle. He was okay with getting to play some computer games in the office for a bit. Occasionally, Tom will be home to play with him. Last week, it was me, Connor, the therapist and Ian. Ian played computer for about five seconds before wandering back into the living room. He sat with me for a bit, watching Connor. He started climbing on chairs, then tried the snack and drink angle for a bit. I brought out a puzzle for him to work on next to me, but Connor was too distracted. I tried putting Ian back on the computer for a bit and he came back out within a few minutes. Finally, he said the words that I should have known were coming.

"Mommy, it's not fair. Why do I always have to play by myself? Why does Connor have to play out here and I can't play too?"

If you heard a shattering sound, that was my heart breaking into a million pieces.

I think back to all of my days as a little kid with no one to play with at home. No brothers (unless you count my brother with no bones) and no sisters. It was lonesome. I remember wondering why I always had to play alone. As I got older, I began to embrace my loneliness and began to enjoy being alone. But, I always wanted two children because it helps fulfill the past and I figured it would ensure that no child of mine would have the same quiet childhood.

Yet, here is my son, surrounded by people and feeling alone. I don't blame myself, my husband or my youngest son. No one person is responsible. We are stretched to capacity.

I think it's autism's fault, quite honestly. But I refuse to fill my life with anger when I cannot do anything about the whys. I am trying to welcome the unwanted and learn the hard lessons with grace. But teaching it to a little boy who is mature beyond his age and knows inequality when he feels it in his heart. That is a lesson I wasn't quite ready to teach.

Kara-tay

(A Friends title reference for my friends J&T-unagi!)

We did a sibling split tonight-I took Ian on errands with me, while Tom got to hang out with Connor. Ian and I stopped at Kinko's to run off a million copies for the chorale scholarship program. He enjoyed "catching" the papers as they came out of the feed. Over a thousand papers later, we decided to stop by Michael's for a few more letters for our wall. I found the final "O" for Connor's name (originally CONNR) and Ian got his name as well.

Our final stop was a Martial Arts center that just opened a block away from our house. I popped in to see if they taught young children and to get a schedule. The owner, who just finished a class, invited us in and gave Ian a short introductory lesson on the spot. He had to stop at the door, bow and say "Hello, Sir" and "Hello Ma'am" before he would be allowed to walk in. After that, he learned to also bow to the mat and stand on a star. Following that, the instructor talked to me about what they work on. Apparently, in order to move along in his belts, he has to be doing well at home and at school. He isn't in school yet, but the teacher would have to talk to the instructor and ensure that Ian was behaving and disciplined in school. I liked that part a lot.

Ian learned a few stances and had to follow a series of arm movements and repeat what he was told to say in a strong voice. He did a few kicks and also had to practice sitting still and making good eye contact. Physically, it was challenging just because he is little, but he followed all of the directions exactly. I am just not sure what to do, but it is something to consider. Anyone with thoughts on Martial Arts for little boys, I would be happy to hear any and all opinions. Because I love the idea of how disciplined it would be, but beyond that, I don't have any clue.

Aside from that, it is 10:34pm and Ian is still awake. This I am not happy about in the least. My heart is starting to feel conflicted that he might not be in the right place to serve his best needs during the day. I feel very strongly about set bedtimes and lately, he is in bed for about three hours, completely awake past his bedtime. I am going to think carefully about how to change this, since I cannot control everything, as nice as that would be.

On a different note, my husband is having a bout with pneumonia this week and he is looking worse for wear, but still very cute. May he have his health back soon!

Super....Genius!

Movin' On Up

....to a bigger boy bed! I promised my mother-in-law awhile back that I would post a picture of Ian's "new" bed.

I'll preface the picture by saying that the toddler bed didn't suit Ian's needs. He was constantly sleeping on the floor, even going so far as to set himself up on the floor with pillow and blanket. We dragged the full-sized futon mattress in for a Trevor sleepover and it remained in the room for several months while we contemplated the next piece of furniture.

We took Ian, with Connor in tow, to look at beds. He gravitated toward the bunk beds, looking forward to lofty digs. Watching Connor climb right up after him solidified the decision NOT to get bunk beds. We thought about separating the bunk beds, but Connor is still in the crib. Storage is limited, so we moved to Plan B.

Plan B was looking on Craigslist for a used twin bed for Ian. I finally decided I wanted to get him a captain's bed with drawers for extra clothes and bedding. This one popped up for a lean $40 so I sent my husband to go and get it. It has four drawers, which are used for pajamas and extra sheets. The door opens to a long section that is perfect for storing Ian's board game collection. Our biggest concern was keeping Ian in the bed without rolling off. We tucked the sides of the blanket and sheet firmly tucked into the mattress. He stays put! Trevor has slept over and there is plenty of room for both of them to tuck in. Even enough room for Mommy to take a good snooze, which has happened a few times on those long-suffered days.

Future projects include: repainting the room to neutral colors (sorry J&T-they are outgrowing the baby colors! Sniff, sniff!) and adding some primary color altered letters on the wall with their names and some artwork and excavating the closet again. Toys are such a nightmare to keep under control.

You will also notice along Ian's wall are several Post-it notes with words on them. Ian can read all of his "AT" words and he is learning the "AP" words now. Preschool will not know what hit them. I see shades of myself in him because I was reading long before I ever went to Kindergarten. (McGuffey primers, anyone??) Reading has been the cornerstone of our time spent together, since he was a baby. Math is another area where he is connecting (which has nothing to do with my genes)....tonight I told him he had to take five bites of his "chicken". (salmon doused in ketchup) He had taken two bites already, so he immediately said, "Mommy, that means three more bites. Three more is five. " Sponge.

I also promised Sheila the birdhouse picture. It just so happens that Phoenix is experiencing a full day of pouring rain. A day to stay home because rain+Phoenix drivers = frightening, a day of curling up in pajamas, perhaps turning the heat up a few degrees and marveling out the window. It is not a day to run out to the tree in the front and take pictures of my son's birdhouse. Tomorrow's another day.

Write to Done

I have to share a new writing website called Write to Done.

Leo, the author of another favorite blog, Zen Habits has started a place for writers to gain confidence in their craft and find the voice behind the words. And for me, finding bravery where I didn't think it was stored is all wrapped up in my words.

Please stop by-he includes a blogwriting section too.

Feast One Hundred and Seventy Seven

Appetizer

How many times per day do you usually laugh?

I laugh a lot during the day, but it takes a lot for me to really laugh genuinely. Does that make sense? My husband is always impressed if he can elicit a really good, honest laugh from me.

Soup
What do your sunglasses look like?

Not broken! They are the standard black plastic semi-fashionable Target cheapy brand. I refuse to shell out the bucks because they get lost or broken in the blink of an eye.

Salad
You win a free trip to anywhere on your continent, but you have to travel by train. Where do you go?

Ooooh, I was all excited to say Hawaii...until I read the train part. Darn. Well, if I have to go by train, I would love to go to the Pacific Northwest-Washington or Oregon because I haven't been there.

Main Course
Name one thing you consider a great quality about living in your town/city.

Parks! We have a lot of great outdoor parks that are clean, fun and well-visited. We can walk to at least three different parks from our house. Phoenix is also very color-coordinated and laid out on a grid-easy to travel around and not ugly. Of course, it does have that "Wrinkle in Time" look in many neighborhoods....

Dessert
If the sky could be another color, what color do you think would look best?

You know, I love the sky just the way it is. I love the different shadings of blue and the gorgeous, fiery oranges and pinks at sundown. The only thing is that here in Phoenix-I actually miss those sporadic gray and gloomy skies more than I thought.

Stolen Love/Hate Meme

I got this from Mamichelle's blog-play along if you want!

I love to eat: Pizza. Chips and Salsa. Anything my friend Cindy bakes, also Aunt Linda's chicken (hee, hee!)
I hate to eat: Anything with a sweet sauce, like teriyaki, maple syrup
I love to go: On a spa day with Terri
I hate to go: To school classes on Saturday and not get paid, to the yearly doctor appt (good one!)
I love it when: my kids hug me
I hate it when: my kids miss me and they cry
I love to see: my husband play percussion
I hate to see: garbage on the highways and streets
I love to hear: Backyardigans songs!
I hate to hear: loneliness hidden in a voice

For the Love of Work and One Little Boy

"Mommy, I just love you so much. "

That's what I came home to this evening, accompanied by hugs and kisses. For sitting in a five-hour board meeting, I was feeling very fulfilled and happy with my day, (really, it's true!) but Ian just swooped in and made it a hundred times better.

For those who don't know, the Sonoran Desert Chorale is the outstanding choir that performs in the Mesa and Scottsdale area. Our director, Jeff Harris, was chosen as this year's Arizona Music Educator's Association Music Educator of the Year. I am privileged to work behind the scenes for these people who truly love to make choral music together. Sitting all afternoon in a board meeting would probably not be someone's idea of great fun, but apparently it's mine, because I really enjoyed it. I came home thinking that this is how you should feel when you leave work.

So that, when you are faced with a little boy who loves you that much, you still feel content with yourself instead of resentful that something takes time away from him.

What I Want

When pressed with this broad and painful question, I want to cower and put the world in line in front of me. I am being too polite for my own good.

I want to be loved and supported in person.

I want to love and support others in person.

I want to kick the crap out of autism and someday I want to find out how it came barging through my door, uninvited. Ditto the sensory processing disorder.

I want to be inspired to live and not just breathe.

I want to sit quietly and work. Write. And maybe love and support others in words.

I want to do one or two things really, really well. Not ten things.

I want all of my friends and family to want to live in the same place. Ha, ha, ha.

I want to feel settled. I want to feel like home is home. I am tired of feeling temporary.

Friday Feast One Hundred Seventy Six

Appetizer
What is your favorite beverage?

For everyday beverages, I like soda (trying NOT to drink it lately!) and I drink water.

For once and awhile, I like Starbucks mocha fraps and sangria.

Soup
Name 3 things that are on your computer desk at home or work.

Well, I don't have a computer desk. The table where my computer has my computer, a paper with Connor's speech therapy ideas and underneath are the kids books.

Salad
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being highest), how honest do you think you are?

Oooh, probably a 8. I am probably the most honest with my husband. Sometimes I am too nice on work-related issues instead of being upfront with things. And sometimes, rather than be honest, I don't say anything in the course of conversation.

Main Course
If you could change the name of one city in the world, what would you rename it and why?

Of course, I am blanking out on cities at the moment......I'll have to come back to that!

Dessert
What stresses you out? What calms you down?

Too many things happening at once stress me out. I don't handle many tasks at the same time very well. I also get stressed when Connor is throwing himself around.

Peace and quiet calm me down, along with meditation. I also find writing to be a good stress release.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my newest Sister in Law!

We all want to wish Kristen a wonderful, marvelously happy birthday! She is a huge bright spot in our busy lives, even when we don't get a chance to talk very often. I am looking forward to hanging out with her again at the 2008 Girls Day (which is when?!?!) Here she is looking lovely and gorgeous at her wedding and her first day as a official SIL. I just want her to know how much we all love her! Happy Birthday!

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Henri Nouwen

I love you Suz, thank you.

Friday Feast Number One Hundred Seventy Five

Appetizer
What is your middle name? Would you change any of your names if you could? If so, what would you like to be called?

My official middle name is Marie. My father and his entire family say Maria. Actually, I like both names and I wouldn't change them. My Spanish teacher would always, always call me by my first, middle and last name because they rhyme. It was mortifying in high school, but funny today.

Soup
If you were a fashion designer, which fabrics, colors, and styles would you probably use the most?

Well, thank goodness that is NOT my profession, because people would get bored very quickly! I love black pants. I love black shirts. I love shirts that do not reflect or outline post baby anything. It's pretty sad that that is really all I care about fashion-wise. Wait-I do love comfy black shoes (like Born and Clarks) AND I would love to make a bra that actually fits-no slippy straps that is really pretty (probably black) but comfy like a sports bra.

Salad
What is your least favorite chore, and why?

Taking out the garbage. I also hate pulling it in through the RV gate, which is impossible to open and close. (hint, hint)

Main Course
What is something that really frightens you, and can you trace it back to an event in your life?

Oh yes. I have an unhealthy and paranoid fear of spiders. When I was young, maybe 7 or 8-I don't recall; my mom was taking me to church. She went out to start the car and so I decided to grab a banana before I walked outside. As I was doing that, I felt something itchy on my head, so I scratched quick and looked for the banana. As I was reaching for the banana, I saw, walking down my forehead, enormous hairy legs. I screamed horrendously and since I had a purse in my hand, started beating myself with the purse. This gargantuan-sized spider dropped off of my head and scurried off. My mom came running in, thinking that someone was in the house hurting me-she could hear me from the car and I told her it was a spider. She was not amused and turned to leave. I wanted her to find and kill the spider and she looked half-heartedly and walked back to the car.

After returning from church, I refused to go into the house until she looked for the spider. I am fairly certain she did NOT seriously look for the spider. She made me go inside, where I remained glued to her side for the afternoon, which also didn't impress her. Finally, I had to pee, so I went into the bathroom and, lo and behold.....the spider is lurking behind the door, tucked by the bathtub. Again, I became screaming and my mother came in and saw the spider. She looked at me and said, "That is one huge spider." I have no idea how she got rid of the spider, but she did. I couldn't watch, it was one of those gigantic wolf spiders.

Ever since then and probably before then, I cannot deal with spiders. It borders on the ridiculous. In fact, this summer, I was working for a woman and her family for a music festival and staying at her home for a few days. I was working on the floor on my laptop, when a huge spider walked across the wall. I leaped up, threw the laptop across the computer and went to find her. I said, "There's a really big spider in the room." She laughed and said, "Yeah, was it a tarantula?" Seriously, I was visibly shaking when she said that. She was folding laundry and she said, "Oh, we get spiders all the time. " Kept folding laundry. Not the appropriately concerned response I was seeking. So, I said again, "There is a really huge spider in that room and I am not going to sleep. If it is a tarantula, I am leaving." So, she said, "You are afraid of spiders? Really?" I got the spiel on how spiders are good for eating other bugs and so on. By this time, I was next to tears and I really could care less about their importance to anything. She then went in with a broom and looked for it. She found it behind the dresser and lost him. So, she turned to go and said, " That is a big spider! Well, we'll find him in the morning." I told her that I would not sleep in that room. She got blankets and a pillow and I slept on the couch, with a headlamp on so I could look for that spider and I did NOT sleep at all that night. She said the next morning, "Well, you know, this is spider country up here." Nothing scares me more than that. I left the next day.

Also, my husband pretended to kill spiders and bugs for awhile, when he really couldn't find where they disappeared to. It is probably much easier to just kill the stupid spider than deal with me.

Dessert
Where are you sitting right now? Name 3 things you can see at this moment.

I am sitting in the living room, in my baby glider/rocker with my feet up on the footstool. I see my crochet tote, which I am certain is gathering dust. I see my boys bookcase filled with great books, which makes me very happy. I see Ian's shoe that Connor was wearing around the house tonight.

7 Weird Things About Me

I was tagged by Michelle to tell 7 weird things about me. (trust me, there are more than 7!) So here goes…

1. I really like routine. I like the same thing happening every day at the same time. However, with my boys (all three) routine is sometimes (many times) out the window.
2. I chew gum obnoxiously. Actually, I don't buy gum often because I know that it annoys everyone around me. But, in the interest of trying to eat well, I picked up a pack of gum today and chewed in the car all day. I love snapping the gum and blowing bubbles.
3. I love watching old tv shows on Netflix. Right now, I am going through That 70's Show.
4. I do not like having my car window open.
5. I am a horrendous multi-tasker. I can do work for hours on boring, tedious work and be perfectly content as long as I am not interrupted or have to do more than one task.
6. I cannot mentally start any fun project until most things in my house are done. So, I don't do a lot of fun projects.....something to work on.
7. I love the beach but rarely swim. I am stealing that one from Michelle, but it's a good one that is definitely true for me.

Please feel free to copy and paste onto your blog...

I tag:
Cindy
Laura

I’m going to tag:

Cindy

Introducing.......Captain Underpants!

Code Name: Captain Underpants
Other Alias: Houdini
MO: Removing right shoe, socks and regular pants
Surprise Tactics: Removing diapers while outer garments remain intact, wearing underpants as outer garment
Weapons of Choice: Cars cars and outrageous cuteness

This little Houdini was hanging out with me while Ian and Thomas ran errands. I had removed a ton of the boys laundry and put it on the couch to fold. Connor was extremely helpful in removing all of the clothes from the couch and placing them on the floor. He found a pair of Ian's Cars underwear and tried pulling them onto one leg. After great frustration, he handed me the underwear. I obliged him by putting the underwear on over his diaper and onesie. He proceeded to running in circles, happy-go-lucky.
I was about to get him dressed for bed (yes, he wore this ensemble all day) and realized this is a photo opp, as he has accessorized with one croc shoe on and applesauce remnants on the front of the onesie.
Here's the thing....this boy has been talking all weekend. He requested a "nana" today from Daddy and promptly got a banana. Last night, we were talking about our day with Ian-the boys were in bed with lights out. Connor was playing with a little Leapfrog Lion that is in his crib and plays several cute songs. At first, we weren't paying close attention although he was jabbering. Suddenly, it dawned on me that he was "singing" the song and including the ROARS that are part of the song. He has been parroting a lot of words-probably not understanding them, but the sounds and words are starting to come more frequently.

So he can wear whatever he wants this weekend-he has made us very, very proud.

Family Resemblance?

After uploading my pictures tonight, one in particular gave me pause. I realized that Ian has a lot of resemblance to me as a young child. Minus the ponytails, of course. What do you think?

Hmmm, January Murphy Family Excursion to......

As much as I would love to say we took a trip to Paris, Delhi or Casablanca, we headed north to Payson and the Tonto National Forest to visit the Natural Rock Bridge. By the way, the above photo is from the bookstore Julie and I visited on Wednesday. Her bookstore photo is equally fun-check it out.
We walked on three different trails and made some fun discoveries. The first trail was a short but steep walk down a staircase to see a small waterfall up close. Much of the waterfall was ice, but we got a decent sprinkle from the actual waterfall. The boys were amazed at how the ice was "so cold!"
Ian's latest smile is furrowing his little eyebrows in a Frankenstein manner. I had to really work to catch him candidly, because he gave me this quirky smile any time he knew I was snapping.
Connor climbed back on the stairs with some help and Ian climbed the stairs on his own.



I even gave up the camera twice and let Tom take a few photos.


We then took the next trail down under the Natural Bridge, which also involved more stairs. Connor was strapped into the backpack for this part and Ian held my hand and jumped down much of the trail steps. Ian really loved the bridge and the walk, but found the end of the trail a bit anti-climactic. He was ready to walk back up, but we took a snack and photo break. The ice was falling and crashing into the stream below with some dramatic sound effect.


Ian and I walked back up together while Daddy and Connor hiked up quite a bit faster. Some comments along the way from Ian:
"We are totally beating Daddy and Connor, they're losing!-Hey Daddy, WAIT FOR US!"

We took the last trail along the top of the bridge, which was the most exciting for Connor, who regained his freedom.
The boys discovered a covered grate with a view all the way down to the bottom of the stream from the top of the bridge. The boys also discovered some paw prints made in the concrete. Ian also worked hard to read each sign as we are teaching him how to sound out letters and words.
Here is the view through the grate, using my macro setting (Julie, you would be proud!)-it was a looooong way down!

By the way......we visited this very same park back in March 2005 and here is the photo from that visit....Ian was around Connor's age now and Connor wasn't a twinkle in the eye at that point.
And all of us today, almost three years later.
We finished our road trip with a pit stop at Dairy Queen for milkshakes before heading back. The boys took naps on the way home. All four of us enjoyed each other's company and everyone was pleasant and happy all day! Originally, we had planned to go to Flagstaff, but there wasn't really any snow to play in and this just worked out better over all.

Our family goal is to make an outing once a month, with the idea of trying to visit some new places. So consider this the January Murphy Family Excursion!

Happy Birthday Aunt Grandma Terri Soooz

Our all-encompassing sister-in-law/aunt celebrates her birthday today and we all want to wish her a happy day full of fun and good wishes. Actually, I just talked to her and it sounds like she is having a very relaxing day with her mom.

Ian knows the Happy Birthday song and at lunch, we all practiced together. He even sang it solo. So, Tom dialed the phone and he was holding the phone, Ian was to sing and I was to help coach as needed. Somewhere in the dialing, Ian got his silly on and began reverting to his favorite "Aunt Grandma" and laughing. So we are desperately trying to get him to sing the right name, but now he knows. So he starts singing Happy Birthday Aunt Soooz and laughing. The kid has a sense of humor and thankfully Terri does too!

I wish my sister-in-law a year of happiness and she is loved as sister-in-law and friend in the greatest and truest sense of those words. We all love you!

I would rather walk
with my sister in law
in the dark,
than walk alone in the light
She lights a path
as bright as an angel

Christopher R. Slater

New Year, New Look

Okay, I am not quite sure what happened to my blog-my curious Connor was "helping" while I was posting my Year End Meme. The colors went completely awry, which I have been trying to fix for most of the evening. On the verge of becoming completely mad, I decided to fiddle with the rest of the blog.

The picture on the header is one that I took over the summer, while on a meditative walk on the beach by myself. I tried to stretch it across the entire blog, but that is proving to be much more than I can handle this evening.

The font on the sidebar was extremely tiny, completely disproportionate to the main blog font. So I will try to remember to adjust the fonts as I make entries, but since my aging eyes are tiring, the larger font is serving me well. (yes, I should be wearing my glasses)

I am adding a quote of the month, which I have seen on a few other blogs. So, I basically pilfered that because I love the idea. Quotes make my day.

I also figured out how to add my very own mugshot on the shot. After hearing sooooo much about how I rarely feature myself, you get to see me all the time now. I included Ian since I really don't like being alone in a photo. And if that wasn't enough, the same picture appears twice. I am not fixing that snafu tonight.

I am going to add some more blogs to the sidebar as I go and I also included some of the autism and sensory processing disorder links I have been reading. I have to think about what else I want to add without overloading my readers.

And we're off and blogging in 2008-Hooray!

Year End Meme

I found a New Year's Meme at Sognatrice's blog (a fun blog to read!)
Feel free to play along and let me know where to find you!

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I took a traveling music position-very interesting, all the teaching and none of the politics. Also decided to begin seriously covering the grays-which I am determined to find the color that is the closest to my original hair color-so far, too red.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't think I made resolutions (should probably check the blog, huh?) but Tom and I decided we will each make a personal goal and a family goal for the year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Some colleagues have had babies, but 2008 will be a big year for several friends. Personally, I am done with all of that.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not this year.

5. What countries did you visit? Just the one I live in!

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? More certainty and more focus personally.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? October 1, 2007 was the official confirmation of Connor's autism. I will always remember that.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Continuing to work with the chorale has been rewarding beyond what I can say as a personal achievement. But my biggest achievement is helping my boys find their way.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not having enough confidence to submit my writing when I had a perfect opportunity. I still wonder why.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I worked with and made a good recovery from postpartum depression. I also have some weird pain in my left side that is still not completely diagnosed. Oh, and my son popped my kneecap out of place-OUCH!

11. What was the best thing you bought? My iPod. I love, love, love it. I make playlists for my classes and it is so much easier to use than CDs.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My amazing Connor. From October 1 with no words or signs to January 1 with words, signs and happy things. Plus, he has made me step back and look at the smallest things that I took for granted and made me a more grateful person.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I agree with Sognatrice on the Bush adminstration. Is this guy for real? I was afraid he might figure out a way to reinstate himself for an extra term.

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills, bills, bills!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My newer car-I love it! And two different Girls Weekend spa/lunch events-one with all of my SIL's and my MIL and one with Terri. Can we make this an annual event?

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Wonder by Natalie Merchant

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? I am more in limbo than last year-maybe a mix of happy and sad, probably have more love handles and while I have more money from working full time plus, I am not richer by any means.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Yoga, writing, photography, reading

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Eating!

20. How did you spend Christmas? With my husband, two happy and overwhelmed boys and my mom. We then trekked over to Cindy, Trevor and Annika's for dinner and playtime.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? Maybe deeper in love.

22. What was your favorite TV program? I love "Lost" and I still love Colbert.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don't really hate anyone. I dislike people's actions, but I don't hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read? I enjoyed the Best American Short Stories 2007. Some strange stories, but there were a few I really loved.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? My son's rendition of "Route 66". A close second was my husband learning "On the Road Again" on guitar. One to make you cry.

26. What did you want and get? A newer car. A few family vacations.

27. What did you want and not get? I didn't get to intern with the Arts Commission this fall, even though I was accepted, but working full time was in the cards instead. However, they still want me to intern and I can do it this summer instead. I wanted speech therapy for my son and we are still waiting for that too.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Well, I am pretty lame when it comes to movies, so I will have to pass on this.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 36 this year and I spent it reading the last Harry Potter book and eating our traditional ice cream cake. I don't like making a big birthday fuss anymore.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Spending more time with family and friends. We get kind of stuck among the four of us and we realized how much we need everyone around us.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Again, my fashion statement is almost always wearing a black shirt OR black pants, black shoes. My friends are continually amazed when I actually do NOT wear something black. It sounds dreary, but it makes me happy.

32. What kept you sane? Writing. The blog has helped my confidence so I need to push forward in 2008 and start submitting.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I love Colbert, just because I do.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Education-I am seriously concerned for when my children begin school. Working in the system makes you see how messed up it truly can be.

35. Who did you miss? All of our family and friends from all over.

36. Who was the best new person you met? I am really happy to have become good friends with Julie this year. Of course, I met her last year, but we only started hanging out this year....

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. In my 2008 planner, I put the following lesson to remember:

Every day brings new challenges, therefore
we accept them
we overcome them
we learn and persist

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

From R.E.M. "At My Most Beautiful"
At my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes, secretly
With every one, whisper I love you
I let you sleep
I know you're closed eye watching me,
Listening
I thought I saw a smile

p/s: I am having issues with the text colors today, so I apologize for the striking hues. Keep checking back....I am working on a new blog look!

And how was your year?