I read this quote today:
You don't have to see the whole staircase: just take the first step.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
I usually need to climb the whole staircase. Sometimes if I don't reach the top, I don't know what to do. At this time of year, when the days are shorter, schedules are busier and time is fleeting, my need to feel a sense of control over my little world becomes very obsessive. Multi-tasking has never been a strong point for me. I like to work on something and do it extremely well. Right now, the weeks are swirling in constant appointments, classes, work, boys, holidays and all.
My husband told me the other night that he feels like I cannot do anything for myself until all of my other tasks are done. So true and he knows me very well. Tonight, I spent almost an hour and a half obsessing over which toys need to be put away for awhile and wondering why toys are continually strewn about the house, which turned into how the furniture is set up and my stress escalated from one simple task. I am working hard to let go and not worry about things that aren't so big a deal. Tonight, I am going to sit quietly for ten minutes and practice my emptiness, so I can feel less overwhelmed.
The other problem is that I wrote an article about autism to actually submit. I have it here in my computer, tucked away. It was due on Friday. I could not bring myself to submit it even after telling people-figuring that would force me to do it. In the end, I drove myself crazy because it wasn't perfect in my own eyes. I am disappointed in my own lack of faith in myself, but not surprised. I will find other chances and maybe I'll learn that the first step isn't as bad as I think it is. This time, I wasn't ready.
So, stumbling on this quote, I am going to try to remember that I only need to take one step at a time and not worry so much. So bear with me, sometimes this time of year is more melancholy for me and if my posts take on a crazy spin, just remind me to just take the first step.
5 comments:
One step at a time, and take lots of deep breaths :) I bet the article is great, too.
Yep definitely one step at a time, and a deep breathe after each one!
I read a poem once about a dad worrying about his grass growing back because the kids kept playing on it, the house being so messy because of the kids. And his wife said don't worry it will all be fine---then when the kids were gone, the grass was back the house was clean, and then he wondered when the kids would be back!
Find joy in the craziness of those two beautiful boys-the rest will somehow work out!
Yes, do take the first step.
I think we are a lot alike. I'm the same about obsessing about things.
Just take your ten minutes, as you said. And take baby steps. You can do it!
Each step is a first step. Just think of it like that. I am exactly the same about tasks and not taking time. Believe me, we both need it. I think a Barnes and Noble night is way over due.
Oh Linda! I'm so sorry you felt that way about your essay! If I had known you were dealing with that kind of doubt, I would have been behind you, pushing and prodding you all the way till you submitted it! I know how you feel though. I submitted mine but felt it was lacking what I feel in my heart -just couldn't get the words out there in that respect. I wrote one, about two weeks ago or better, let it sit and went back to it the day the essay had to be submitted. Re-read the first one and basically trashed it and started over from scratch. I tend to do a little better when I am under a deadline. Your writing is very good and usually clear too -centered -mine often goes off on tangents, spiraling away ya know. Next time, and there will be a next time, an opportunity like that arises where you can write from your heart, please don't let the perfection thing bog you down.
Now -something else I'm gonna recommend to you. I know, this is primarily considered to be the 12-step creed for AA and other addictive issue self-help groups, but get a copy of the 12 steps, read through them and learn to practice them and other tenets from the 12-step group. It will help you to get a better focus on balancing your life and the stressors there. You don't need to be someone with an addiction of any type to use that program and it does help. I've been trying to live by it for the past 31 years now. It doesn't work miracles but when practiced, even partially, it does help.
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