Mr. Sandman brought me a dream

Rocking your child in your arms while they sleep is the most indescribable feeling. I am not sure I can put it into words that truly complete my thought.

Today my little Ian, who, for the most part, doesn't want to rocked to sleep any longer, wanted to snuggle at naptime. It feels so rare anymore, that despite the conflict of knowing I would have a few hours to get things done or just be alone for a few moments, (we all need that) I couldn't say no once those little arms snaked around my neck. I planned on sitting with him for a few minutes before allowing him to lie down in bed. Using a fairly comfy Cookie Monster pillow, I laid down on the floor and my son hugged and snuggled with me. I could feel the coarse texture of his hair on my face and that little boy smell. I watched him suck his thumb and twirl his fingers in that particular way that calms and soothes him. I closed my eyes and we took off into a peaceful, dreamless nap that was more refreshing than checking anything off my list.

Connor also fell asleep in my arms tonight, fighting tooth and nail with the Sandman all the way. For him, I try to make him comfortable but every night is a guessing game. What he likes one night is not the same the next evening. Connor does not operate in a predictable world. We sat in the glider, he rolled and cried on the Boppy, until I finally stopped trying to pat him or hold him. Instead I chose to sing him a few lullabies. And the thumb finds its way to his mouth and he listens and calms himself. After two songs, he is sleeping and I can finally stroke his hair and just watch him sleep.

Overall, I don't get a lot of sleep. It's just the way life is as a mother. I think we are secretly hard-wired for sleep deprivation. However, those little moments of taking a nap with your boys or nodding off while my baby sleeps in my arms are the best sleep I get. Sure, I complain that I slept for 4 hours upright, my arms loaded with pins and needles because that is more bearable than possibly waking a sleeping boy. But nothing compares to snuggling with my boys. Smelling their freshly washed lavender scented hair. Picking up their arm to see if they are truly asleep. Kissing their fingers and cheeks. Hearing the little sighs when they turn and toss. And I know it only lasts so long, so I intend to catch all the moments I can.