Saguaro Lake

Two stir-crazy boys and two parents wanting to just relax isn't the best weekend combination. We were going to go to apple picking on Saturday, but after looking up directions on the website, we came to find out that all the apples had be picked for the season and the orchard was closed. (I forget we are in AZ and not NY-and after investigating all of the other (rip-off) places to pick apples, we skipped it altogether) Tom decided we would instead go to Saguaro Lake just north of us and only 40 minutes away.

If it were only that easy.

We discussed leaving early Saturday and ended up not going. By Sunday morning, we were feeling truly lazy, but Ian was having constant LEGO meltdowns and Connor was in and out of the refrigerator or angling for snacks every half an hour. I ran out to the store to get some dinner makings and when I came back, Tom was doing the "5 minutes!" call to get us out the door. (otherwise we would never get anywhere!)

We drove up listening to Imagination Movers all the way. As we neared the lake, the signs indicated that we needed to buy a day pass back at one of the gas stations on the highway. Tom thought maybe they would sell the passes at the lake, which they didn't. We were allowed to park by the marina and walk around the docks, but we couldn't picnic or swim.

We then tried a different lake heading back toward the highway. This one also required a pass, but we drove through and it looked okay for swimming. Tom drove back to the highway, got a pass and we started back to the lake-only to find that now there was a brush fire on the roadside. The police stopped traffic on the narrow road so that the rangers could extinguish the fire. Another twenty minutes later and we finally got to the lake.

The boys enjoyed wading in the water. Ian wasn't too sure about the mucky feel to the water, so he didn't venture too far. He got braver as he went along. Connor walked out as far as he could go before Tom had to pick him up. We set out a blanket, had some snacks and a few visits from several curious bees and then headed back home.

We are both tired, now that the boys are in bed and I find myself dragging through this post. YAWN!

Wordzzle 31

The words for this week's ten word challenge were: budget, news, outer space, gargantuan, brass band, Purple Rose of Cairo, polar bears, insight, innovations, mute And for the mini challenge: investments, purring, death penalty, mercury, convalescent home

This week's vanity wordzzle used the words: hairsplitting, nonchalant, boisterous, obstreperous, kitty-cat, toenail, magma, Ton Ton Macute, tulips

Again, I decided to max out my brain power and mush all these words into a paragraph. Here goes:

As he sat mute, purring like a kitty-cat, waiting for the investments news, as his budget for the convalescent home (which felt like the death penalty) needed some insight and innovations. In one room, the Purple Rose of Cairo was watched daily and in another room, one resident watched a documentary on the planet Mercury. On Saturdays, that obstreperous brass band, gargantuan in size, playing hairsplitting music which roiled in his brain like magma….he nonchalantly touched the tulips with his toenail. The boisterous holiday music returned thoughts of the Tonton macoute and polar bears. Outer space didn’t sound like a bad place to be lately. He wondered how he could get there.

Tempe Splash Park

Last Sunday, we took the boys over to Tempe Beach Park to look at the Healing Fields (a 9/11 memorial-which will be another post on another day) and also to let the boys cool off at the Splash Park. We were not sure how the boys would like the park-Ian enjoys water on his own terms-but it was a lot of fun for both of them.

Ian went down the slide a few times, but it was crowded and had some unsupervised bigger kids wreaking havoc, so we meandered toward the splash pool. This was more their speed. Ian found the best way to cool off was getting water in the back of his pants. It was comical.

Connor enjoyed the water too, until he got interested in what Big Brother was doing.....

And decided to try it himself.

I was surprised to see how the water turned out when I uploaded my photos. I liked that it looked like clear little water balloons. I messed around with a bunch of settings, so I have no idea how I created this effect. (Maybe Jesse has some idea what I did?)
Ian created an obstacle course for himself, leaping over small fountains and going under the larger arches.


The weather is cooling off a bit (99 instead of 110 degrees!) and we feel a bit chilled in the evening when the temps dip into the 70's. Still, I am looking forward to the days when the boys can run and play in the backyard without worry about sunstroke, when we can sit outside to eat dinner and when we can take a walk at any point during the day. It's coming.

Kung Fu Screamy

I decided to try taking the boys (on my own) to see Kung Fu Panda at the cheapy theater tonight. Ian has seen it already, but was excited to go again. Connor didn't know what was going on, but he was more fixated on the M&M's in the refrigerator than anything. Tom had to work, so he missed all the drama.

We get there, buy our tickets ($6.00 total!) and of course, get popcorn. Connor spied a video game that has a yellow car with a steering wheel. He was fascinated by it and I tried giving him fair warning that we were going in to the movie. Connor doesn't seem to understand the concept of "time to go" or coming back to something later.

The screaming began en route to the theater. "CAAR!" "LALLOW CAR!" "NOOOOO!!"

We get into the theater, where there is one other young couple-no children. We sit away from them and Connor continued to rant about the car. (NOOO!!!) They curiously peer at us every so often, wondering if I am a mom who will allow the screaming to go on beyond the previews.

Enter six teenage boys to the back row. They are loud, but no match for Connor. He stops momentarily to eat a few M&M's, but as we know, when food doesn't appease him, it's pretty much a lost cause.

The movie begins and Ian, all set in his seat with a big bag of popcorn, is excited. Connor, facing away from the movie screen, begins wailing and screaming. "NOOO!" "LALLOW CAAR!!"

I finally have had enough. I pack up our bag, carry Connor under my arm and tell Ian we have to go, which breaks my heart even more than listening to Connor cry, because he says, "But, Mommy, the movie just started." I tell him that I know and we'll talk outside. His eyes fill with tears and I feel awful for disappointing him, when he really deserves to stay. But I know that Connor will not settle down and he trumped Ian tonight.

We get out of the theater and sit on the floor. I explained to Ian that Connor is so loud that we cannot hear and that Connor is not enjoying the movie. Ian responds by saying, "Well, I can hear. I have big ears!" So, I tell him that we will return and see the movie just Mommy and Ian. To which he says, "Yeah, let's just leave Connor home with Daddy!" Yeah! Take that, Connor! Ian returned to his jovial self for the remainder of the evening.

We schlep out to the front counter where I ask for a refund. The boy asks me why (as if he cannot see or hear the child I am carrying) and I just look at him. He gives me my $6.00 back and we go over to the yellow car arcade game, where Connor calms down and sits happily. Somehow, Ian and I manage to get him out of the theater. We play over by the fountain and head to the produce store and then home.

Connor has done well in movies before, so I don't think it was the movie itself, but rather that blankity-blank arcade game that he saw as we walked in.

Ian managed to talk my ear off the entire rest of the night. His new favorite game is "Name That Tune" usually with Backyardigans songs. However, after playing for almost an hour and a half yesterday and for another half hour today, I was a little maxed out on this game. Another exciting game is where Ian screams or yells in various high pitches and tries to get Connor to imitate him. This occured at dinner and again in the car. I'd almost rather play the name that tune game for an entire day over the screaming that I will hear tonight in my sleep.

A glass of red wine is starting to sound really good right now.

Walk for Autism Update

We are steamrolling toward our goal of $1000.00 for Connor's walk in November. The website lists our total at $600.00, with another generous donation of $100.00 on the way, to make our grand total $700.00!!!

We feel very honored to have all of this support-not just monetary, but we are also depositing all of those positive, encouraging and loving comments into our sanity bank.

I included a link on the left side of the page-just click on Connor's photo.

Vacations for Children with Autism

My friend Stacy sent me an article from the New York Times this morning about vacationing with children who have autism. Thank you, Stacy!

The NY Times article link


My favorite line was the last one-"We don't let autism back us into a corner."

Exactly!

Getting Back in the Wordzzle Game

I've been away from the Wordzzle for awhile now. Not sure if I am on my game for writing these, but I condensed the regular, mini and vanity words into one paragraph. I am not sure what the vanity wordzzle is, but I am guessing from my two seconds of research that it is using the words in order. Weeeell, I didn't do that. Maybe next time.

The words for this week's 10-word challenge were:

spam, problematic, flower girl, splurge, milk, orphanage, lyrics, politics, ice cream cone, cactus.

Words for the mini challenge were: drag race, poppy seed, swinging from a star, John Denver, diagram

Vanity words: morning, horse, he was standing there, alone, in the middle of the square, building, unicorn, panic, invisible

He was standing there alone, invisible in the middle of the square, unconsciously singing lyrics to "Swinging from a Star" while pondering this drag race of politics-a flower girl with a heart as soft as a cactus, an old horse and an anointed unicorn all felt like a poppy seed stuck in his teeth. He wondered if anyone cared about the orphanage where he worked, a building treated like problematic spam on a computer-unwanted. He wanted to splurge on milk, an ice cream cone, John Denver CDs-anything to make the kids look forward to another morning. Some of these blabbermouths need a diagram to remind them what is important instead of inspiring panic.

Please go and enjoy other entries by visiting Raven's blog.

Friday's Food 4 Thought

As hosted by Stacy over at Exceedingly Mundane-

Food 4 Thought Friday

Breakfast
If you were to choose a new name for yourself what would it be and why? Were there any other names your parents almost gave you?

I think I recall my mom saying that I was almost a Linda Sue. My dad always told me that he liked the name Linda because in Spanish, it is an adjective (meaning pretty-did they get that right or what?!?) and rarely used as an actual name in Ecuador. So, that does give my actual name some points.

I actually really love Spanish girls names. Like Mariela, Marisol, Emilia, Mariana. I love all of those names. And Luz as a middle name.

Of course, if we had a girl (and we aren't-shop is closed!), I imagine the names would have been a little contentious. We have healthy Irish names, so I would probably have angled for something Spanish. At least I don't have to worry about it now!

Lunch
How do you usually spend your Sunday afternoons?

Lately, we are cooped up in the house, avoiding the heat. The laundry gets done and sometimes we do some house projects. (this Sunday-closet!) Once the weather cools down, we'll be outside working on the lawn and hopefully the boys will enjoy the backyard.

Dinner
What would be your last meal if you were about to walk the green mile?

I am not sure what the green mile is (I know, I am dopey), but I adore pizza. Or a really good steak dinner with all the fixin's.

Midnight Snack
Have you ever broken any bones?

Technically no broken bones, but I do have a suspicion that I might have broken my nose years ago at Action Park. I slammed into a concrete divider while on the river rapids ride (an unbelted ride) and smashed my nose into the wall and the person next to me. I looked like Frankenstein with the big bruised eyes for a week or more. We never got it checked.

Recipe for this Week (instead of your recipe for life - what is it for just this week?)

Meditate and work on staying in the now.

September 11, 2001

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

Ambrose Redmoon

To the New Yorkers we love and all the families who suffered greatly
to all of the heroes fallen and standing
you live strong in my heart
and the hearts of all Americans

Fresh and Screamy

A new grocery store opened within walking distance of the house AND even better bikeable (not a word-is now) distance. I was so excited that I wrote the grand opening on my calendar and saved my special get-a-free-canvas-bag coupon. (For those interested, it is the Fresh and Easy store)

So, after work, I picked up the boys and headed over to the new store. Ian was excited because I promised him we would make banana bread. So, he was ready for helping find the ingredients we needed. Connor wasn't as amused.

The screaming began as we entered the store. The greeter handed us a brochure and welcomed us-I don't know what she exactly said. Connor was strapped into the front of the cart, thrashing and screaming like a wild child. Ian was pointing out bananas and other items needed. The store was crowded and every few minutes, a kind soul would try to comfort Connor with questions or comments. He was having none of that. One of the employees offered him a chip (normally food is the way to go) and he flipped out. ("IDONWIKEIT!" NOOO! NOOO!") Comments followed.

"Aww, he needs a nap." (He's been awake for a half-hour)

"What's wrong, wittle guy?" (baby talk annoys all three of us, with Ian saying "why do you talk like that?" )

"He sounds hungry, do you want a snack?" (a good tactic that normally works)

"Awww." (translated-maybe the mom should take him home instead of having him cry-probably right)

A good mother would probably take her child out of the store and go home, forfeiting the free bag and the banana bread. I, of questionable parenting today, forged ahead, on the fast track. We picked up bananas, milk and I even found a small box of animal crackers. ("NNNNOOOO!!!")
When Connor doesn't respond well to food, this is a strong indicator that something is clearly amiss.

We get to the register and the cashier offers the boys crayons and a coloring book. Ian, the prince of tactfulness, asks, "Why are you just giving me this?" as if he knows there's a catch somewhere. Connor continues to wail ("NO! NO! NOOOOO!!") and I try to ask about my free bag. By now, I deserve a free bag.

They are out of free bags.

A raincheck on the free bag is offered and I accept, doing my best to get these children out of this store. Connor is practically purple with anger and Ian is now put out that he must actually walk to the car instead being chauffeured in the cart. Him I can handle with a quick word.

We get in the car and back home. Connor sprawls on the kitchen floor for awhile, crying. I try sitting with him for a bit, but he is angry and wants to be on the floor. So, I leave him alone.

About an hour later, he is calm enough to play and begin requesting juice and getting his bearings back. He is fine and happy for the rest of the evening. Ian is also very compliant and an excellent assistant for making banana bread.

I am sorry, Connor. We need to add Fresh and Easy to Connor's black list. Other stores include JoAnn's Fabrics (a personal favorite) and Costco. It is convenient and I will try again when the newness dies down.

Sometimes my own personal reward isn't worth the heartache. I didn't listen very well today.

p.s.-don't forget to read the post below this one-as I posted two today.

To Infinity and Beyond

An amazing story of a father and a boy with autism out at sea.

And just a note, my son Connor LOVES water. No fear of drowning, no fear of going under and reading this story made me think that Christopher and Connor have that in common.

Read on!

A Toot of My Own Horn

I was recognized in my staff report this week. Check it out! (hopefully the link works)

CUSD Staff Report


Missed yoga tonight due to chorale deadlines as we ramp up to concert time in October.

However, Connor will probably assist me in doing some push-ups, sit-ups and jumping jacks tomorrow morning, along with his excellent downward dog and child's pose. However, he really makes me work for meditation as he sits on top of my throat (I am not kidding, he goes for the jugular!). Last week in speech, he went over, got out the yoga mat, unrolled it on the floor and began jumping around and counting. Following that, he did downward dog and did a few "push-ups" and then went right to sit-ups. He even laid down in savasana (meditation pose) for a few seconds. It was hysterical. I ran for my camera, but he immediately stopped the routine once he realized I was filming.

Anyway, back to work!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Highlights of the weekend:

-Ian having a stomach bug on Saturday. I'll spare details, but he basically slept from 9am-2:30pm on the couch.

-Connor apparently in rehearsal for the WWF. We rarely sit on the floor anymore because he will come over and body slam you, followed by laying across your throat and jumping on you. Constantly. He needs a WWF moniker now. Suggestions?

-"Idonwikeit" translated as "I don't like it". Connor's new phrase for any time something doesn't go his way or he is told no. It is a toddler weekend over here, complete with screaming, meltdowns and general toddler behavior, including shoving the offending party or throwing self onto ground in protest.

-We painted our bedroom closet (sorry, Terri-it's white) and Tom finished measuring and cutting the new shelving. Of course, our leveler is on the lam, so until we find that, Tom is on hiatus.

-We are spending considerable time on our Personal Finance for Dummies course. Our instructor is Michael, my brother-in-law and we are making some decent headway. Of course, we had a general surplus of $11 in one draft budget and we thought that looked pretty good. So, I think we have a ways to go. I find that I do very well with homework. I am hoping he will give me an A for homework.

-I wrote an enormous blog post about John McCain and my feelings about his position on education. Let's just say that if Arizona is any indicator of what he wants to do with education, he will never have my vote. (not that he did to begin with) His statement about putting education in the hands of parents and students made my eyeballs spin. He is forgetting someone in that statement-can anyone guess who? I probably will not post my blog because I feel too conflicted and angry about it all.

-Tom was brilliant in setting up the bouncer for the boys this evening. They are sound asleep in bed after a good half-hour of getting the energy out. Brilliant!

Walk For Autism: TEAM MURPHY

We are participating in Autism Speaks Walk for Autism on Sunday, November 2 and have set a team goal of raising $1000.00 for this cause.

Please visit our team page to learn more information and if you would like to donate-even better. Or just leave a little TLC support in comment form too-donations to our emotional bank are always welcome!

Team Murphy Walk Page

Also, we secured a semester of music therapy with the ASU music therapy intern program. Connor will attend on Fridays with Dad and Ian and participate with a few other children his age in music activities. You might wonder why we chose this option for him, considering our music teacher status. Music therapy is a different type of teaching. I took a class in special education music during my undergrad and that was the extent of my expertise. So, while we both teach special needs students, this will be great for us to learn some new ways to use our skills and allow Connor the chance to interact with some other children his age. One thing is for sure-children with special needs do respond very positively to music. We are both looking forward to this opportunity for Connor.

Labor Day Weekend Getaway

Riding on your wings, we soar and rise
Pausing only to rest in beautiful moments
before we are uplifted once more


The comfort of your presence surrounds us
Soothes us and makes us whole
and learning takes place


Attachments are made in his heart
The deeper questions as he looks at life
Are hard to answer


We are rejuvenated in spirit
happy and healthy once again
We soar


Little souls tuckered out
Securely loved by more than just parents
As they pause only to rest in beautiful moments.

Thank you Michael and Terri for a great weekend.
We all love you.

Happy Birthday MOM!

Mothers

Mothers understand the things

We go through

You are special-not only today

But 365 days and more

You helped with homework

Fights and scares in the nights

Mommy’s so special

In every way

She is nice

She makes the day

lmg 1981

My mom is celebrating a birthday today! I know that she will have a great day, but I also know that in her heart, she feels sad because celebrating anything without the four of us is never easy for her. Picking up the phone isn't the same and reading this blog isn't the same. I know that and Mom, I am sorry that we are far apart on your special day. There isn't much that I can do about it, but I hear how much you miss us in your voice every time we talk. And while my life moves like a cyclone most days, I carry you in my heart all the time.

My mom is a hard-working person and always sacrificing to make ends meet. She is punctual and responsible. She can do math. She can knit. She can read, watch tv and sleep at the same time. She can make some mean orange juice and cereal. She has an arsenal of good Mom lines that we constantly use. (My favorite-sew buttons on ice cream) She is the keeper of things that I didn't know she had. She kept all of my childhood poems-some of them originals from 3* years ago! She reads my blog probably every day and once and awhile I get an email commenting on something I wrote. I know she is out there, keeping an eye on me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mom and I hope your day turns out to be very special.

Working Parent of the Year Ceremony 2008

We got ourselves over to the Paradise Valley Mall yesterday afternoon and had some photos taken on the stage as a family. Following that, we waited, watching the Phoenix Mercury mascot play with the children-not our two, because they were not quite sure what to make of a big purple animal walking around-and Tom quelled Ian's boredom with some french fries. Another former colleague of mine, an administrator from Power Ranch was there, as his wife was a finalist. My friend Julie also came to watch and she was able to video for us.

The finalists were read from 10-1, so the coordinator would walk around and call various families up to the stage, where they were presented with an inscribed plaque, a signed poster and one of the judges would read the essay. We weren't called up until they announced the final three parents, who were prizewinners.

I was a runner-up and we have won a $2000 vacation!!!

We all got up on stage and Ian got to hold the big cardboard Ed MacMahon-type check. Connor used the poster roll to poke Tom in the eye during the reading. Sheriff Joe read the essay, which he was pretty quiet for him, so it's hard to hear.

The essay: (or the gist of it since I didn't save the essay, so I had to transcribe from his reading, which isn't too clear)


My husband and I are both music teachers, working full-time and part-time jobs to make ends meet. Last year, my youngest son was diagnosed with autism, turning our schedules upside down with therapy appointments. I had the opportunity to work with a special education class and students who have autism. I was able to learn and accept my son's needs.

Someone said to me that special children are given to special people. I remember this every time I go to work and every time I am with my boys. My work has definitely enhanced my family life.


The funny thing to me is that as he was reading, I was thinking "Wow, I would have changed that or said this." Already second-guessing and I won!

There were so many terrific parents-the other prizewinners were single moms and amazing stories were all around us. Ian announced, "I want my mom to win!" and "Mommy, did you win yet?" a few times in the ceremony. On the way home, he said, "Mommy, you are awesome." It's nice to have a special day once and awhile!

Thank you to Julie for taking time from her busy home repair and doggy care to come and see me-you are a great friend. And to my family, friends and blogger fan club-thanks for rooting for me!

Now I need to decide WHERE to go!! Suggestions???

Pre-Contest Prep

Tomorrow is the big day and it has been fun-the newspaper called to interview me and our speech therapist also saw a brief article in the paper about it. We will be buying the paper over the next few days.

The boys are getting haircuts today and we have to decide what to wear. I am going to scrape up a bit of cash for a pedicure/manicure (I have blue toes right now and my hands are very icky-looking-I figure I deserve that, especially if I don't win)

THANK YOU to all of my family and friends who continually visit my blog, supporting me and encouraging to continue. My mother-in-law called last night and reminded how great it was that on my first submission-that I ended up this far along! Wow! Another friend said that this can be a good jumping board for other submissions and projects.

Keeping it dialed down today as much as I can. WOO HOO!

My mom said it best....I won big nine years ago when I got married to T on August 21, 1999.

Pup, I love you! Happy Anniversary!

All Things LEGO

Our brilliant little boy has taken quite a liking to Lego building ("I'm a builder!") and enjoys discussing which sets he wants for his birthday, for Christmas and the ones he wants to buy with his money. (which is all of them) I discovered a free Lego magazine that you can subscribe to and immediately got him signed up. The first magazine arrived this week.

I know, cute face. He has been sitting at his little table, carefully perusing this magazine at every chance. Last night, instead of our usual books, we read the Lego magazine, which kept his undivided attention. His favorite page was the one where you have the same picture twice and you have to find the 10 differences between the two pictures.

Today after school, we needed to return a few books to the library (Franklin and the Computer went back after a solid week of reading that one exclusively) and I asked Ian what kind of book he would like to read this week. He searched the Froggy book series (we have read them all to the point of memorization) but decided that first, he wanted a book about a boy who swims. We ended up asking the library clerk about that one and she found a great book.

Ian then asked if we could look up Lego books on the card catalog. I should have seen that one coming. I didn't think anything would show, but there was one book. The Lego Builder's Guide, which reads like a textbook as you will see below, was in the juvenile section and probably suitable for middle school, high school and adult readers. However, I handed my eager preschooler the book and he sat down on the floor and began to look at every page. I asked if he wanted to take the book home and he cried "Yes!" and handed me back a Star Wars book he was carrying about. He clutched the Lego book to the checkout counter and all the way to the car. He then proceeded to "read" the book for the entire ride home, completely silent and entranced.

When asked to point out his favorite part of the book, he immediately turned to the space shuttle page. He will probably figure most of them out-if we have enough pieces.

Next step is visiting the Chandler Lego store soon and also getting him enrolled in the Lego Builder Club- for $40 you get a ton of excellent Lego sets,every other month in the mail, another exclusive club magazine, a Legoland pass and discount store coupons.

Today, he asked me if we could build an AT-AT (Star Wars something or other-ask Tom-I know what it is but cannot describe it) and how would we do that? I had no idea but I told him that if he puts his mind to it, he can figure out anything. He discussed at length how he would go about building the AT-AT. Lego-obsessed.

(side note-we didn't build an AT-AT tonight because he was outside practicing karate with Daddy for his stripe testing next week)

By the way, Ian has his eye on this:


Yes, the $400 (four hundred) Lego Death Star, which I hear about every morning on the car ride to work. He points it out in the magazine each day too. It does look rather awesome. He said, "Mommy, just go to the store, get out your money and buy it for me. Because I love it!" Riiiight.

I need to plant that money tree first, buddy.

The Downside of Being a Finalist

Unfortunately, the excitement being in and possibly winning a writing contest comes with some disappointment. My cousin Pedro and his wife, Glenda and their two boys are here in the US from Ecuador visiting my father, who lives in South Carolina.

Before I was even contacted about winning the contest or knew the ceremony date, I made airline reservations for Ian and myself to fly to South Carolina this weekend to visit with my cousins. We had figured out a plan for buying the tickets and I was excited to see my cousins, whom I haven't seen since 2001 and probably will not see for a few more years.

As luck would have it, my flight coincided with the contest ceremony and I hoped that I could change my flight and do both. After several calls to the airlines and online ticketing agency-all of whom were very nice and patient- it would have cost me over $2000 to change my fare for just a three-day trip. On top of that, many of the flights had several layovers all over the country (one flew to Atlanta, then to NYC and then back to SC-?) and so taking Ian on a 12 or 14 hour plane trip would be not be considered. Flying on standby would reduce the fee to about $400 but there were no available seats on the return flight home.

So, this morning with my stepmom, I made the executive decision not to go and visit my cousins. I talked with them on the phone (wow-my Spanish was rusty, on top of that I was so disappointed and tired from surfing the web for fares for a gazillion hours, I couldn't think in English, let alone Spanish) and they invited us to visit in Ecuador when we can in the future. I don't know when that will be, but I miss them all so much and there must be a reason why things work out in this way.

I'll change my flight to another time and take Ian to see my father in the near future. It feels a little bittersweet today. Tom and I talked at lunch and he said if it were him, he would be really bummed out too.

But, I promised myself not to dwell after this morning. Thankfully, amidst all of the changing flight dilemma, I had a yoga class last night. I almost didn't go so I could stay home and agonize over flights some more.

I went to yoga and had one of the best classes. I learned two very difficult poses (Hilary-you would be proud of me!) and the meditation helped me feel better. Probably the best choice I made all day was to just go and quit being a baby about it.

On the upside of today-I added my second special education class today into my schedule. There is one child who is verbal, the rest are not and two in wheelchairs. Only five children, but they were so much fun to work with. We played some drums and sandblocks, a few kids enjoyed some dancing and we added some scarves for sensory input-which was a big hit and also some bubbles during classical music. They are wonderful. I got some eye contact and a few laughs too. One student is blind and very sensitive to touch and he wasn't quite ready to try a lot with me. He did shake my hand for one song and he rocked when the music was on or when I was singing. So, he was responding.

Anyway, I miss my cousins and I hope their stay in the US is terrific. I wonder if this vacation win could be used in Ecuador.......

P/S: Hop over to see about our Star Wars Sunday at Tom's blog!

No News

I will have to attend the ceremony to find out if I have actually placed as a prizewinner. Regardless, I will receive a plaque and autographed poster from the celebrity judges and our whole family will be photographed. It will also draw media attention, so we might be interviewed.

The most amazing part was the woman saying that they had read over 300 essays and whittled them down to ten.

I feel lucky and special indeed.

Master of Legos

Master of words

Master of interruption

You find some trying ways

To make your presence known

Yet in spite of all my frustration

I love you.

I love your creations and potions

I love your mind, your cerebral approach

Constant chatter, constant directives

A million words sandwiched into a minute

My brain begins to falter, overload

But my heart is with you

Loving you, admiring you

When I am glad to put you to sleep

Because your ideas are paramount

They are multi-faceted and immediate

I quell my weariness with a small glass of wine

Yet, I love you

Please know that I love you

Even when I need peace, solitude

I love you even when my voice

Is firm, opposite and unwavering

I guide your path because

that is true love

And I am the master of your life

Until you are old enough to walk alone

But you have control

Over my heart, over what we can safely allow

The extremes are hard to navigate

But we will find a way through uncharted territory

Even if we feel moments of sinking fear

You will raise above and beyond this

And so will we

Love you

love you

love you

please go to sleep!

lgm 8/08

#$*@%$!!!: A Essay Contest Update

Following a stressful day today, I realized that I had left my cell phone in my school bag, which was in the garage all afternoon and evening.

I checked my messages to discover a call from the preschool company regarding the finalists for the essay contest. The lady asked me to call back, without disclosing more information.

However, I recall last week when I originally spoke to her, that they would call if you were a prize winner. Otherwise, the remaining finalists would be able to meet the judges during the ceremony, but not receive a prize.

At 9:30pm on Friday night, I am probably not going to know anything until Monday, but I will be calling first thing in the morning tomorrow anyway. However, it was a little difficult to contain my excitement that I got a call. It is nice and wonderful just to be a finalist, but a vacation would be very, very sweet indeed.

Breaking Through

Remember back in January, I said that I would submit some writing this year and try to swallow the fear of putting my words out there?

Well......I took a small leap. I found an essay contest for the Working Parent of the Year for Arizona through (of all places) the preschool website where my children attend. You don't have to attend the preschool program, you can submit.

The topic was "How Work Has Enhanced Your Family Life", in an essay of 100 words or less. Brevity is one of my strong points, but even so, being concise on a topic you could write a lot about it is tricky. I figured what the hey, no big deal-especially since it is open to the entire state of Arizona.

Well, this afternoon, I got a phone call from the company offices, explaining that I was a finalist-there are only 10 finalists. I had to provide work verification and the essay will be read by celebrity judges who will determine next week if I am a winner. The grand prize is a $5000 family vacation, the two runner-ups will receive a $2000 weekend getaway.

So I did it. Whether I win anything or not, I got into the game and dipped my toe in the water. Maybe I will be ready to get in soon.

Preschool Drama: Week Two

Well...week two is going about as well as week one. I did the tough love, drop and run yesterday and Tom had to do the extraction this morning.

Apparently, Connor awakens from his nap distressed and crying every single day and they want to know why. The teacher is nice but offers no real idea of what he is doing and most of her answers include a shrug of the shoulders.

Ian is a complete mess every morning and while the teacher took a lot of time to talk with me today when I picked him up, but we are still feeling skeptical. Today and yesterday, I watched Ian by himself, not interacting or playing with any of the other kids, who were involved in an activity. He was either crying or busy with building his little ships. She said she was offering Skittles as a reward for him not crying. (what is the deal with Arizona teachers using bribery to enforce good behavior?) So, I am paying a good chunk of my salary for this and have no peace during the day.

And after several discussions with various people, only one person thought it was pretty normal for them to cry for two weeks. Everyone else thought it was not a good sign.

And then at work, there is all-day Kindergarten, which is a complete nightmare for the first few weeks. (and months!) These poor children just needed to play or take a nap and not sit still in the afternoon when I get them. Several of the second language kids will not come to music at one school because they need that four hours of intensive language study-uninterrupted. (Good lord, Arizona. Really? I'd like to see that teacher teach those kindergarteners English for four straight hour.) If I wanted to "appeal" that decision, I could fill out paperwork to petition them to come to music, but essentially the decision has been made. Because we must have 100% passing the state test in a few years. (That's realistic.)

And the kicker, today I saw a guy on my street (waaaay down the street) sitting outside with a rifle. I drove by and did a double take on my way home. Following that, I drove by again to be sure that was what I saw and sure enough, this guy was pointing and messing around with a rifle.

I did see a police car moseying along the larger street or I would have called them myself. The guy was just sitting his porch chair with a rifle-not looking particularly angry or anything, but still!

I want out of AZ.

Six Things I Am Proud Of

I copied this from my friend Dianne's blog and enjoyed reading her post, as well as her friend 'Tis Herself.

For me, this turned into six people I am proud of.

1. I am proud of my sister-in-law, Suzanne. She faced great adversity with grace and honesty as a breast cancer survivor. Every time I talk to her, I treasure all of her kindness, feistiness (is this a word? It is now!) and her good humor, even about difficult situations. She has gone on to comfort and support other women with cancer and has had to say goodbyes -which must have so much emotional impact, more than I could imagine-to some of these friends. I am proud for her courage and loveliness. (You frickin' rock, Aunt Soooz!)

2. I am proud of my mother. She is one of a kind, that's for sure! A single mom for much of her life, working two jobs while I was in college-which now I realize that you just do what you have to when it comes to your children. Now I know. She still chuckles when I call her and say , "Hey, Mom, it's me." And she answers, "Hi, me!" or "Who else calls me Mom?!" I love my mom and appreciate her so much more now that I am a mother too.

3. I am proud of my husband. He is a good man, who has made sacrifices of his own talent and passion to put his family first. (see #2-sometimes it's what you have to do) We have our moments-but he is willing to find solutions. And he loves me a lot! I look forward to seeing his goals come to fruition as he works to find new and better paths for himself.


4. I am proud of Connor. He is a little gem who needed some polishing. To have someone say to me, "This kid has autism??" makes me proud of all of the efforts HE has put in to build his communication. He is talking and looking at us like your average little two-year-old. Life is good for this little one and for that, I am incredibly happy and proud.

5. I am proud of our parenting. I don't toot my horn about parenting a lot-or maybe I do, considering most of my blog is about my kids. I don't know-but at the risk of sounding like my head is inflated, I'll continue. Aside from those inevitable toddler moments, I think that Tom and I do a really good job of communicating with our boys. We rarely yell, we are mostly consistent and we try to raise well-mannered children. And most of our parenting comes from watching so many students over the years-an advantage in the parenting arena-and having good sounding boards when we need advice. We are usually on the same page with handling crisis moments and we balance each other when frustration sets in. And we consciously hope that our children will have life better than we could have imagined for ourselves.


6. I am proud of myself. Yes. I get to toot my OWN horn for once in my life. I suffer a great deal of social anxiety, which is interesting that I chose teaching.....anyway, I struggled for years with perfection, self-esteem and shyness that choked my soul, and overcame serious depression several times in my life. I have learned to move forward-while I acknowledge the past carefully-I have made a great deal of peace about myself and who I am. For all of my many faults, some I recognize and have come to enjoy with great humor. But to see that I have made it to teacher, wife, friend, sister, daughter and mother in my short 3* years, I'll give myself a nod for all of these wonderful roles that helped me grow and become the better person I hope to be.

Preschool Drama-It's Friday!

So, they are home with Tom today and no drama. (so far!)

Yesterday, the teacher called Ian an "angel", which made a huge impression on him, enough for him to remind me throughout the afternoon. "Mommy, I'm an angel."

There were a few unimpressive moments with the staff when I walked in yesterday, so we are committed to one more week and Tom and I will reassess the situation. I talked with Grandma Sheila about it too and she gave me some tough love options (gulp!) for Ian and also some great ideas on keeping tabs on the staff. THANK YOU!

Connor was fine, but I was told he was having a rough day and inconsolable at naptime. When I talked with the teacher, she didn't seem to know what I was talking about or which child we were talking about.

It's Friday, so I am not going to worry about it until Sunday night and Monday morning.

Preschool Drama: Day 3

Technically, it's day 4, but there was no drama the first day.....

Tom dropped them off and called me a few minutes ago as I am getting ready for work.

They both freaked out. Ian's anxiety began as soon as the word "preschool" was uttered as he was getting ready. Not even the draw of a brand-new Lego set could help. Yep, I am resorting to rewards-which I am very anti-reward as a teacher. Anyway, that didn't work.

HELP!

Preschool Drama: Day Two

Today was worse than yesterday for Ian. We decided on a goodbye routine and when it came down to my leaving, he was hysterical. I cried myself once I got to the car.

We practiced our goodbye routine tonight before bed and Tom is going to drop them off tomorrow and see if he fares any better.

Connor even cried a bit today. SIGH.

Preschool-cccchanges

I don't have pictures to accompany this-my family will be disappointed and I am sorry. I keep forgetting my camera and honestly, I don't have a lot of time for pictures.

The boys started a new daycare/preschool this week, with no apprehension from Connor-not even a glance back at me today.

Ian handled the first day well and this morning was more apprehensive for him. Because Ian must build Lego helicopters in all of his spare time, he was busy taking apart his creation this morning when we had to leave. Leaving behind his Legos (no toys allowed from home) was traumatic enough. He followed that up with some serious protest about preschool, which I could understand. As we arrived in his class, he begin to wail and cling, crying "I don't want to go to preschool!". After extracting myself and trying to reassure him that I would be back this afternoon, the teacher scooped him on her lap and I left. Tom called a bit later to check on him and he was doing much better.

When I returned, at first he looked happy to see me, but he quickly grew teary because "Mommy, you forgot to hug me and then double wave goodbye and that made me cry." Well, rip my heart out and step on it a lot. I promised him we would figure out a goodbye that will make him feel loved and able to go about his day. We'll see.

While I know that the kids are learning different things, as stated in his note, Ian doesn't really discuss his day, except that the kids are bigger than he is and he builds stuff all day. The teacher told me that he refuses to eat lunch but will eat his weight in goldfish crackers. Good thing they don't serve sugar-laden stuff. We'd be in trouble.

I get more details on Connor, but he cries because I am taking him out of the class and he really likes it. He acclimates so well. Maybe that is a good thing.

Not sure how much I love this particular place yet. I don't get a real sense of compassion from the teachers but they have a lot of kids to think about too. Plus, I go in and expect a report on how they did and they seem amazed that I don't just pick them up and run out the door. I wish daycare and preschool wasn't so difficult on us both time-wise and financially. Arrgh.

We'll see how the rest of the week plays out.

Brave is the eye of the beholder

I know what you can do

My heart is tethered to you

Even when my hand is not

I know where the demons lurk

I've met them myself many times

Sometimes they got the best of me

Smart, brazen and ugly mirrors

Trust me, I'll give you the tools to help you, I'll find them all

Look those monsters in the eye and give them truth

But sometimes you have to slay your own dragons

Even if I have a white horse to rescue you

And bravery is not the same for every person

But I see you.

And I know what you can do.

lgm 06/08

What the Fahrenheit?

Okay, I chose to live in Phoenix. I should keep the complaints to myself, but GOOD GRIEF!

My car said 117 degrees today. My brain cells are boiling away.

So, the boys and I are hibernating in the bedroom, watching TV (Diego-please stop the Broadway approach-it's honestly painful) and maybe we'll just have some fruit for dinner.

Connor wanted to go outside-he knows how to unlock the back door-and I had to actually lock it up high because on top of the heat index being orange or red, the child has porcelain skin. It is sad when they just can't play in the backyard without scorching themselves. It is even too hot to drag the little pool out right now.

Woe is us.