A few bloggers are hoping to continue autism awareness past its official month of April.
I don't know that I will continue writing each day on Autism, but perhaps a weekly entry instead to highlight some issues, ideas, research or personal experience. In all honesty, I am working very hard to not be consumed by life, so I think another month of serious writing would be difficult as I finish the 5 Kindergarten programs, the 6th Grade production, math tutoring, testing and grades by the end of the month. (and that is just school-not Chorale, therapy, etc) Thank you to all who asked me to continue.
That being said.....
Right now, we are struggling with treating Connor as an equal rather than allowing him to skate by on things we expect Ian to do. Like cleaning up toys, eating dinner and putting his plate away, reading books, brushing teeth. It is easy to give him a golden ticket out of things, but it is such a disservice. Where Ian is a master negotiator (I should have taken a debate class in college, good grief), Connor simply melts down at the thought of doing something he is not completely invested in doing.
So, what to do? We make him do it anyway. He might not clean up quite as many toys as Ian can, but he's in there helping. Even if we are working hand over hand with him. Some people have questioned our approach and that is fine. I expect a lot from my kids, no matter how old or what is right or wrong with them. I expect them to be good citizens and to be well-mannered. I know it's harder for Connor sometimes, but it doesn't mean we don't try.
7 comments:
I definitely applaud your attitude toward making your children be good little citizens. It's too easy to let things slide when there is some difficulty that one is facing. It doesn't do them any favors to let it go. Your a good mom.
You approach will serve Connor well as he grows older and has to deal with "the real world" and people who don't care that he has autism. It's at the core of what you are saying - that he is different, not "less." Man, much as I would have loved to be a parent, it is such a hard job. I envy you the good parts, but not the complexities of molding blossoming human spirits into healthy, happy adults. Sounds to me like you are very good at it. Your kids are lucky.
It must be so tough to stay with the same rules with Connor but he will be much better off with it.
I give you lots of credit. You hang tough and do the right thing with both of your boys!
I think your approach so far has been right on, Linda - Connor may face some more challenges, but he strikes me as a very bright little boy, and there could be harm done if you didn't have the same expectations for him as for Ian.
And you're right about Ian's negotiating skills. Frankly, I think you're going to have your hands full as they get older and smarter - they're both so bright already! :D
Linda: You keep doing what you have been doing with Connoe. My daughter had a similar situation, her son was born premature and has had many learning problems. From day one she refused to treat him any different from other children. She was accuseed of being to hard on him, the goals she set were to high ,etc. She kept at it and today he is twenty years old, has a wonderful sunny disposition, always polite with both adults and his peers. When he had kids tease him in school, he had a high enough self esteem that he was able to look at what was happening and dealt with these issues in a way that the teasing stopped and some of these same kids are his friends today.I know you know what is best for Connor. Such a lovely child he is!
I think you're right on target! When my son was around 3 and his Dad left he was so upset that he often felt he shouldn't have to do anything. It was so hard to separate the real emotions and care for them while also handling his tantrums and demands for special treatment.
Many people questioned me and as you say, that's OK - if their motives were pure, some weren't. But in the end I knew my boy and I knew the fine human I wanted him to be - and it worked!! Baby steps and not without huge bumps in the road but such is life.
I think a post about autism awareness whenever you feel - even less than weekly would be great. I also enjoy your poems and just photos of the boys - Thomas too :)
or any silliness you want to share.
For openers, ALL children I do believe are born with the ability to manipulate those who care for and tend to their needs -whether they be NT or autistic or any other special needs. If parents/caregivers do not begin teaching certain things, early on, it is very easy to wind up with a child that can turn quickly into the proverbial "holy terror." We've tried to set certain rules for Maya all along, increasing various aspects as her comprehension levels have risen. She, like any other 4-year-old, doesn't want, doesn't like to pick up toys, etc., frequently has tizzy fits about that. But one thing I have found recently is if I ask her to hand me this or that item, and thus, she is kind of picking up a bit unwittingly at times, but doing it all the same. Kurtis is still pretty much in the stage where what he hears much of the time are admonitions not to touch something or other. It's a slow process for sure, often difficult too, but very necessary and the fact you and Thomas recognize it as such is also very important to the children learning it easier, giving them a much stronger base for assisting at home, being more stable in social respects as well. Keep on the way you're doing things as that is definitely the right track for overall responsibility.
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