If nature has made you a giver, your hands are born open, and so is your heart. And though there may be times when your hands are empty, your heart is always full, and you can give things out of that.
Frances Hodgson Burnett
Frances Hodgson Burnett
I observed my two sons today in a moment that was simple. As we got ready to leave for swim class, Connor was seated on the couch quietly and not really focused on listening. I asked Connor to find his shoes and he remained still on the couch-sometimes he will follow, sometimes not.A few moments later, Ian walks out of the bedroom with Connor's sandals. He stands in front of Connor, opens up the velcro and proceeds to get Connor's shoes on his feet for him. He then handed Connor his drink and pronounced us ready to leave.
I never asked Ian to help Connor. It was just a loving gesture that he chose on his own.
And yesterday, Ian had a bag of Skittles. Connor woke from nap and came up to Ian, eyeballing the Skittles. Ian offered Connor a Skittle with a "What do you say, Connor?" Connor says "Please?" and Ian hands off the Skittle. This continues and we try to add some words for Connor, like "More, please, Ian?" and "Thank you, Ian" and it was garbled but Connor repeated Ian as best he could. Ian was so happy too...."Mommy, he LOVES Skittles!" "Mommy, he loves the yellow ones!"
Life has been tough for Ian over the last several months. He really had to figure out where he fit in the mix and he was certainly feeling resentful of Connor's attention. Now that we have had some time off to work with Connor together-Ian included- and also to give Ian some time-the results are all thumbs up. He is going to bed easily at night by 8:00 or so. He isn't taking naps and he isn't eating a lot of junk (there is some junk-ex: Skittles, but not a lot). He is willing to help with Connor and take on the role of big brother much more often. Connor has been walking circles a lot lately and every so often, Ian will join in. There is hand-holding in parking lots and more hugs when Connor is frustrated or hurt. That isn't to say there aren't moments-like Ian stepping on top of his brother to reach the carseat first or taking a toy from Connor without asking. There are always moments.
Connor follows what Ian does more than anyone else. They sing at the table, they play Knex and Legos together, they jump off the couch onto the beanbag (tonight's game) and climb on their parents at the same time whenever the opportunity comes along. It feels like the connection is becoming stronger and that the simple gesture of helping a brother with his shoes is a step closer to just being a really generous and kind person.
And I know that good brothers run in the family.
7 comments:
How sweet is that?!! It makes my eyes tear up! Ian is going to be the best big brother!
I hope you are planning on scrapping these adorable photos when you have time (haha, I know!!).
What a wonderful post. Of course you know that while Ian may come by his beautiful generous heart naturally, he is also learning by the example set by his parents (and their good friends like Cindy). Both of your boys radiate such beauty of spirit! And these are such beautiful photos.
Something you said about Ian reminded me of the best experience of my short unhappy time student teaching. In one of my classes (13-year olds) there was a kid who had been pushed a lot by his parents. He wasn't considered to be as smart as the other kids. He never spoke, he was a terrible student according to the "real" teacher. I had given them some kind of silly assignment and he had handed it in late. It wasn't particularly good but it was incredibly sweet. I said something to him about what a nice job it was and about handing it in on time would have been even better. But the bulk of the comment was praise. Next day he started volunteering in class. His whole demeanor changed... from one off-hand comment. It takes so little to touch a child's heart. There's no comparison really except that the tiniest amount of re-enforcement is sometimes all it takes to change an attitude or a life.
Funny - read mamichelle's comment and thought SCRAPPING the photos? Why would she do that? And then I realized that she means something totally different by that than I would.
I'm officially rambling mindlessly. Beautiful post.
Awwwwwwwwwww :)
It's good to hear Ian is actually go to bed earlier; that must make things a lot easier for you in the evenings!
I love these photos of them together. and Ian taking care of Connor and his shoes was such a great moment.
Raven is right - look at the amazing role models they have!
Not that I'm against this -far from it -but it sure does seem that many posters today have had a penchant for the sweet and sentimental side of things, and your piece today Linda was no exception. And,it was just beautiful too. Loved the pictures of the boys -so telling -and I loved your description of their interactions as well. Maya has her nice moments towards Kurtis but she also chortles and cackles at times with some rather nasty and obnoxious stuff she pulls on him too! Kids, I guess, ya know.
From reading your blog these past several months, it's more than obvious how hard you and Tom work to get the best help possible for Connor and also, how you try to keep things on as level a plane too for Ian. No easy task for sure. But I do believe these two will bond closer that a whole lot of NT kids would and both will come through this -along with you and Tom - much the stronger for it all.
Peace, my dear! You do a terrific job!
This post really touched my heart and made me so proud of my little buddies. It's so obvious to me that you and Tom are raising caring, kind, fun little boys who will grow up to be amazing men, just like their dad and uncles. Good brothers do run in the family!!
What is left to say? I ditto all the above comments and then some!!What a great post and so great to hear the bonding of the brothers :)
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