Sometimes we all do things to calm us down. Some of us grab a cup of tea and put our feet up on the couch to decompress after a long day. Others exercise, some take a hot bath or read a book. For persons with autism and developmental disabilities, it takes a bit more to either regulate (calm) or stimulate the nervous system. This behavior is called "stimming" or self-stimulatory behavior. For those who enjoy linguistics, the word autism comes from "auto" meaning "self". And the troubling part of this disorder is that persons with autism seem to be locked inside his or herself and disengaged from others. Stimming provides some respite for these individuals when the environment is more than he/she can handle.
You cannot look at a particular stimming behavior and say "Aha! Autism!" because every child is different. Some of the more common stims include hand flapping, rocking, watching lights, spinning wheels and even making vocal sounds. But, they run the gamut and I imagine each child you meet will have a slightly different way of stimming. Some kids may stim every day; others will stim when a situation is particularly stressful or out of routine. For example, my son really does not hand flap. However, whenever we go away on vacation, the flapping returns and I spot it immediately. Once we are home, the flaps seem to disappear, unless he is very excited about something. He's like a firefly shining bright with wings delicate and strong-first you see it and then you don't.
So, what does stimming look like? Well, you could go to You Tube and finding dozens of home videos on autism and stimming. My son, back in September, was walking in circles constantly. At home, at daycare, at the park. I watched him one evening while making dinner for about 3 minutes before I decided to grab my camera and see how long he would circle. In this particular video, including the off-camera time, he circled for about 15-2o minutes, until my husband came home and literally stopped him. You will notice he is not distressed and he even occasionally stops to see what my older son is doing. (yes, I was clearly annoyed with Ian about something on the computer and he was clearly frustrated while I was busy immersed in taping-not my best parental moment, sorry Ian) Connor's circle behavior went on for quite some time-including during his diagnosis appointment. I was puzzled by it at the time, but I understand it a great deal more now than at the time of this video.
You might laugh, but it seems like my son tried out a few different stims before finding what worked for him. In the video, you see a little Lightning McQueen car in hand. Connor ALWAYS has a car in hand. He is like Linus with a blanket only Connor with a car. And this has always been since he could hold a car. We learned not to take away the car. We learned to keep a little car in the carseat, in my purse, in Tom's pocket. At our friend Cindy and Rick's house, Connor plays with a little red Ferrari model car almost the entire visit. (and just to show you how much Connor is loved and appreciated for who he is - Cindy bought him a little Matchbox car for a party favor at Trevor's party last weekend. It didn't leave his hand all party long.) When Connor is tired, on overload or just needs to be alone, he lays on his side on the floor and rolls a car back and forth. At Christmas-probably the most stressful day for him-he went straight to the table for breakfast, while Ian was busy opening Santa presents. After opening a few presents, he disappeared into another room with his car and quietly rolled the car-just taking a breather from the chaos. We see this several times a day now. People wondering about birthday presents-you have your answer.
Another stim for Connor is going into the backyard and rolling a Megablok fire truck back and forth on the patio. This also was a clue before he was diagnosed-he followed a particular route between the back door and the gate. The ladder on the truck had to be exactly positioned and his little car was safely tucked inside. The problem began when my older son, Ian wanted to play with "crash" with Connor. Ian, on his tricycle or scooter, would follow Connor, speed around him and crash into the fire truck. Connor would scream, even hurl himself on the ground in complete frustration. He would then get up, readjust the ladder and return on his path. Ian, in his defense, was really trying to find a way to play with his brother. None of us quite realized how much Connor needed that fire truck path to remain unobstructed and how important it was for that ladder to be just so. Connor still plays with the fire truck, but has discovered climbing the swingset ladder (car in hand) and going down the slide to be pretty cool.
Do we stop this stimming behavior? Do we allow it to go on and on? The answer depends on the parent. Personally, I allow my son to stim if he needs to, most of the time. Who am I to take something so calming away from him? It's just a part of what he chooses to do and who he is right now. Research says that stimming can inhibit learning-but if kids are allowed to stim following engaged activities, some are able to attend to task knowing they can stim afterward. This happens in my special education music class with one child who likes to rock. He is allowed to rock during the movement songs, but he must sit still during instrument time and quieter songs. He is a delight.
That all being said, my first encounter with someone looking at my little 17 month-old son stimming-circling like a whirling dervish. You know the look, it's the "what's wrong with this kid-he's a weirdo" look. It broke my heart that a baby could invite that kind of reaction. I didn't say anything because I didn't know how. I am just waiting for my next chance because I know what to say now. But that look broke my heart for days because I didn't know a darn thing about autism or stimming. I didn't know how to educate a stranger, when I wasn't sure what I was seeing myself. And maybe my inability to react made the heartache that much deeper.
Another time, we disembarked our plane in Phoenix after a long trip flying from New York. Connor, trapped in a car seat on an airplane for hours, had a taste of freedom in the terminal as I allowed him to walk on his own. He trotted, hands flapping so fast I could feel the breeze. People were enamored of him-waving hello as if he was waving to them-my son was flapping joy to the travelers around him. Thank goodness for the good-hearted strangers who reminded me what a tremendous little boy I have.
Here's something to keep in mind-kids do have quirky behaviors-all of them. They do things that make sense to them and not to us. My older son Ian, a smart boy on all counts, does not handle crowds and chaos very well. In soccer games, amid the rush of boys following the ball, he stood there playing with his ear and sucking his thumb. I knew he was uncomfortable and he was trying to find a way to deal with the discomfort. I clean the house when I am stressed. It calms me down. Thomas taps rhythms. Maybe we are all stimming in some way.
So if next time you notice someone needing a moment to decompress-it's okay. Okay for everyone.
7 comments:
I'll have to come back and read this again in the morning. It is packed with information. Connor is so adorable.
Stimming is so fascinating. I think you are right - we all have our own ways of stimming... just most of us have learned to disguise them so that nobody notices.
The video is fascinating. (If you think you were cranky with Ian, you don't know what cranky is, by the way...)
I was thinking earlier today - I think I posted it in a response to someone's comment on one of my posts - that I wonder if it would be helpful to attune kids themselves to reiki - as well as parents learning... Even at such an early age, the attunement might help balance his energy and as he gets older, he might be able to learn to use the reiki to help himself... as a kind of more productive stim.....
I'm rambling again and probably not making much sense. I'm so glad you are writing these daily posts. I'm already learning a lot.
I'm planning to - if I remember - add an Autism Awareness reminder at the bottom of my posts for the rest of this month. I remembered today. Thanks.
Stimming or quirks -sometimes I think they are the same thing, then other times I think, no, not quite.
Having special toys, blankets and such as a comfort type thing when taking a nap or going to bed -is that a stim or a quirk? Sometimes, maybe it is a bit of both, depending on how dependent the child may become with an item perhaps. One of my kids had a habit when very young of rocking/bouncing (sort of) in the crib, even later when moved to a regular bed that my Mom said was a form of masturbation. I don't know if it was that, but for quite a long time it was a way that child was able to get comfortable, relax, unwind -whatever you care to call it. The little guy until just fairly recently also employed much the same behavior in trying to rock himself to sleep. Maya did the running -non-stop -from the living room to the kitchen and back again -no play involved, usually no toys, except maybe a piece of paper she would carry or a crayon -some small item, often not a toy though and Kurtis does the same thing now too. Both kids also do the hand-flapping at times, although with Maya that has decreased over time and with Kurtis, it seems to be diminishing somewhat now too. Truthfully though, I think we all -children and adults alike -have some type of activity that we do in a repetitive manner -sometimes used as a calming agent, at other times, to stimulate our systems too. Chewing fingernails, thumb-sucking, hair twirling, lip biting, and such -probably could be regarded as bad habits or quirks, or maybe even stimming too.
"...it's okay. Okay for everyone".
that's such an important point! I agree that we all have/need stimming coping mechanisms. When my son was first dealing with his Dad leaving he would hold his bottle. He'd drink from his cup but he had to have his bottle with him. So many people told me I shouldn't "allow that type of behavior!"
Really!? Why? We all need comfort devices. I smoke for goodness sake! talk about something I shouldn't allow. why are children not allowed to comfort themselves.
The way you felt at the park speaks volumes to the need for awareness and sensitivity. Information is power and the more we know, the more we understand and the more we accept.
A fascinating post Linda. You never stop amazing me.
You are really opening my eyes to autism. I've always been curious and have talked a little with my aunt who has a son with Asberger's Syndrome. My son is ADD so we chatted a lot about ed plans and all that.
As I watched your video, I was thinking back to the days when my son was much younger. He used to walk around the kitchen table, over and over, while he told us a story. At first I got aggravated because he was making me dizzy. Then I realized that's what he had to do to concentrate. My hubby yelled at him once and said to stand still and tell us. I told him that was necessary for his concentration. We dealt with it until he eventually grew out of it. He's 18 and still has a hard time sitting and having a conversation with us. Definitely stimming! Thank you for educating me.
Yes we all stim
I was told it helps our children to process information.
thanks for that....it IS okay for everyone....one of my sons rocks on the sofa and he hums...he's working thru things in his head atm....
*i found you via the wordzzle*
Linda,
I remember the day I came home and you told me that Connor had been spinning for 20 minutes. You were pretty upset. In fact it was before he was diagnosed so we really didn't know what was going on. I did try to pick him up not knowing that he just needed to do his own thing. Then I started doing circles with him and then pretended to fall. He joined in and fell right with me. At that time in Connor's progress, it was one of those rare moments we were able to connect with him. Just like you said, we have to let Connor find what works for him.
By the way, Connor has started to enjoy the "crash" game on the back patio. But he still likes that little fire truck ladder to be just right. Our next step is the tricycle!
T
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